5 More Men Women Shouldn’t Marry

I know you gals have all sorts of questions and I'm here to answer them.
I know you gals have all sorts of questions about who to marry. And, lucky you, I’m here to help.

Not long ago, Dr. Stephen Kim wrote a blog post that is stirring up the interwebs. Not in the way he hoped, I’m sure; but, stirring it up nonetheless. The post in question is titled 10 Women Christian Men Should Not Marry. Saying that it has the ladies upset is putting it mildly. Google the title and you’ll find a plethora of responses to Dr. Kim and not one of them is written by a woman who would make his list. While there is plenty being said about “10 women” list, not much attention has been paid to Dr. Kim’s earlier post about the 10 men Christian women shouldn’t marry. What, you guys thought men were off the hook? Not hardly.

The good doctor, in his desire to be a proper shepherd to his flock, started down this road by trying help women choose the right man so they can fulfill their destiny on this earth. I mean, getting married and popping out a few babies is what it’s all about for you gals, right? Fortunately, Pastor Kim (and I use the title “pastor” loosely) has made it easy and given you a list of all the men you should avoid. Unfortunately, it’s not exactly what I’d call helpful.

After starting out with a clear prejudice toward his own fundamental, complimentarian evangelical faith with such  entries as the unbeliever (that whole “equally yoked” thing), the younger man (it takes an “extra measure of God’s grace” for a man to lead an older woman “as the natural fallen tendency of all daughters of Eve is to usurp their husbands’ authority”) and the divorced man (because adultery, duh), he turns into Captain Obvious by enjoining women to avoid “the angry man”, “the self-admirer”, “the dishonest” and “the addict”. What, women don’t have enough sense to stay away from douche bags like this? But, Kim is a pastor (and a doctor), so maybe he knows something I don’t. If that’s true, he left a few out. Here are some additions I came up with (which should be read with tongue firmly in cheek):

  1. The Gay Man _ Now, you’d think this one is a no-brainer, but there are cases of women falling for, and even marrying, men who play for the same team as they do. Of course, it doesn’t happen nearly as much these days, but just to be on the safe side, I felt obliged to include it.  There are advantages to marrying a gay man (you’ll always have someone to look at fabric swatches with), but in reality, it’s a bad idea. And, not just for the obvious reasons, but because there’s no way someone can be gay and be a Christian, right?
  2. The Workaholic _ Because who wants to be married to someone who’s more interested in work than you? Being a good provider is one thing (and make no mistake, ladies, that’s his job and not yours), but there’s no way a man who spends all his time at work can lead his household in a Godly manner. And, without proper headship, you gals would be lost, wouldn’t you?
  3. The Fatherhood Avoider _ Again, this one is kind of a no-brainer, but we gave up common sense with the original list. Ladies, we all know the reason for your existence is to be a human brood mare for the Christian faith (if we can’t convert unbelievers, we’ll outbreed them), so marrying a man who doesn’t want to have children can only deprive you of the joy that comes with fulfilling your purpose. And, that makes Jesus cry.
  4. The Feminist _ Really, this is covered under “The Gay Man” since no real man (i.e. straight) would ever call himself a “feminist”. But, there are men out there who pretend to be straight, yet believe women should be treated as equals. Ladies, be on the lookout for a guy who thinks this way. Marrying him might result in actual happiness on your part.
  5. The Immature Man _ You all know the man I’m talking about. He’s the one with an unhealthy attachment to his mother. Or, the man who spends every free moment working on his fantasy football league. Or, the man who is only interested in women that fall into a very narrow category defined by a complete misunderstanding of scripture. Avoid this man like the plague, ladies. Nothing good can come of marrying him.

Well, that’s it. If you’re a woman looking for a man to complete yourself, I hope this helps. If you’re a man who fits one of these categories, I hope you’ll step back and take a long look at yourself and make the appropriate changes. Oh, who am I kidding. We all know that’s not going to happen.