Category Archives: LGBTQ

No Homosexual Lifestyle???

In August of last year, the darling of the progressive Christian world, John Pavlovitz, wrote a post titled Repeat After Me: “There is No Such Thing as a “Homosexual Lifestyle.”  What?!? No homosexual lifestyle? I find that hard to believe. I mean, if there’s no “homosexual lifestyle”, that means I’ve been an asshole for absolutely no reason whatsoever. That is a turn of events I just cannot accept.

Look, there are numerous places where the Bible plainly states homosexuality is a sin. Here are a few of those places:

  • In Leviticus 18:22, God told Moses that men shouldn’t lie with men as they do with women because that is an abomination. Of course, a few chapters earlier, God also told Moses that the people shouldn’t eat pork and shrimp. But, I love pork and shrimp, so I ignore that part. Thank you, God, for the miracle of proof-texting!
  • In 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Paul said that “homosexuals” won’t “inherit the kingdom of God”. Yes, I know the word “homosexual” doesn’t appear in the Bible until the middle of the 20th century. But, the words that have been rendered as “homosexual” are slang terms and we really don’t know what they mean. But, hey, if we don’t know what Paul meant, what’s wrong with interpreting it in a way that benefits us “normal”, straight folks?
  • In Romans 1:26-28, Paul tells us that men and women gave up natural, God-ordained relations and defiled themselves with icky, same-sex shenanigans and were promptly punished for it. Sure, in the very next chapter, Paul tells us that God condemns the kind of judgement he just threw out, but that doesn’t help my case, so I’m ignoring it.

Seriously, is this man, this “pastor”, trying to tell me that my deeply held religious belief about the homosexuals, based on a Bible verses that have been few proof-texted and cherry-picked within an inch of their life, is wrong? Really?

According to Pavlovitz, “We all have a gender identity and a sexual orientation and these things all fall along a vast and complicated continuum. It is this specific combination of both how we see ourselves and who we are drawn to that form this essential part of who we are.” Oh, come on, “gender identity” and “sexual orientation”? Everyone knows God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. And, Eve was always Eve, not Steve who decided he was Eve. No less an authority than the Southern Baptist Convention backs this up in their resolution “On Transgender Identity”. How could that many Baptists be wrong about something like this?

He also says that the Christians are holding onto “the prejudices and fears our faith inherited 3500 years ago when we didn’t know what we know now” and is “deliberately choosing to not know now; preferring religion to reality”. Well, of course we are. Otherwise we might have to change. And, if there’s one thing we don’t do very well, it’s change.

Look, the bottom line is that accepting homosexuality as innate and not a “lifestyle” is just another step onto the slippery slope that will ultimately lead Christians to live by the teachings of Jesus and start loving our neighbor and turning the other cheek. God only knows where that could lead.

2016: The Year In Review

This has been my mantra for the year.

Well, beloved, we’ve come to the end of another year, which means we’re about to be inundated with “Year in Review” posts/articles/programs. And, yes, I’m doing one, too. “Year in Review” posts aren’t what you’d call a regular feature here. Unlike my annual Thanksgiving posts, I haven’t written one of these since 2012. I’m not exactly sure why, it’s not like the past four years have been uneventful or anything. In fact, I’m not sure why I’m writing this one. Probably because I figure a post about 2016 will get some views and, like all writers, I’m a bit of an attention whore.

The consensus view seems to be that 2016 has been a rather shitty year. After all, it’s seen:

  • An orange-hued shit demon take advantage of the pain and fear of a large swath of the country to become President of the United States,
  • A bunch of idiotic yahoos in my home state of North Carolina pass an obviously discriminatory law and then commit political suicide by standing behind it in the face of overwhelming opposition both in the state and abroad,
  • The most deadly mass shooting in U. S. history, in which 49 people were killed because of their sexual orientation and/or gender expression.
  • Unarmed black men shot down by the police, mostly for the crime of just being black (that’s not new, but it was a big part of this past year).
  • An election that may have hacked by the Russians. At the very least, they influenced the voting toward the candidate they preferred.
  • And the death of a beloved celebrity every time we turned around.

Not exactly the best year on record, huh?

Still, it hasn’t been all bad. 2016 has also seen:

  • Working class people find a new (unlikely) champion in a 78 year old Jewish socialist. Now, if the Democratic Party (who likes to think of itself as “the party of the people”) would just get on board.
  • An announcement that Underground Railroad conductor Harriet Tubman would be replacing former president (and slaveholder) Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill. This is good because not only was Jackson was a slave owner, he was an asshole.
  • Jabba the Hut stunt double, Roger Ailes, resign as chairman and CEO of FoxNews. Ailes did so amidst a hail of accusations that he has a proclivity for making lewd remarks and/or advances to his female employees. And, punishing them when they reject him.
  • Pat McCrory lose his job as Governor of North Carolina to Roy Cooper. The best part is that McCrory engineered his own downfall with the hated HB 2, which was actually supposed to hurt his opponent, Cooper. Ain’t karma a bitch?
  • Samantha Bee debut her most excellent show, Full Frontal, on TBS. Bee, smart woman that she is, blew off the industry standard  live interview portion of the news parody format and stuck with her strength, scathing, intelligent satire. And, the television world is better for it.
  • A new Star Wars movie come out. It’s called “Rogue  One” if you’ve been living under a rock. I’m going to see this weekend and I can’t think of a better way to ring out this year.

Do these things offset losing David Bowie and Carrie Fisher in the same year? Probably not, but you’ve got to accentuate the positive. Even when the positive is not all that great.

It’s been said that 2016 has been the worst year ever. But, the truth is, it hasn’t. Not by a long shot. We’re not engaged in a global conflagration, an entire race isn’t in the process of being exterminated, there isn’t a plague killing off a significant portion of humanity. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s been fun and I’d like to do it again. Just that it’s not been that bad. Hey, most of us even survived it. I’m not giving odds on 2017, though. I have a feeling it’s going to be a motherfucker.

10 Things You Can’t Do And Call Yourself A Progressive Christian

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An example of #3

The Progressive Edition

A certain popular progressive Christian blogger has made a name for himself with a series of posts titled “10 Things You Can’t _________”. These lists make some really good points, but I have a slight problem with them: they’re all directed at conservative, evangelical and/or fundamentalist Christians. That’s a problem for me  because it smacks of the “Not all Christians” thing. God knows progressive Christians aren’t saints, however much we’d like to think otherwise. So, I came up with my own list. And, I’ll go ahead and say you probably aren’t going to like it.

  1. You can’t call Trump supporters “deplorables”. Or “racists”, or “ignorant”, or any of the other epithets that get thrown at them. It doesn’t matter whether it’s true or not. Jesus told us to love our neighbors and I’m pretty sure telling someone that they’re “deplorable” isn’t what he’d consider “loving”.
  2. You can’t tell everyone “I can’t vote for him/her. I’m voting my conscience.” Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying you can’t vote your conscience, just that you can’t be a condescending ass about it. Because, no matter what you think you think, that’s the way you come across when you say this. The same goes for “Choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.”
  3. You can’t call people out for taking advantage of “white privilege” while doing the same thing yourself. See #2 above.
  4.  You can’t pontificate on what you’d do if ________. What I’m talking about here is something I wrote about last week. I’ve seen several progressive bloggers write about what they’d do if one of their kids turned out to LGBTQ. It’s the “if” that’s the problem here. If you don’t have a gay kid (or have any kids at all), shut the fuck up and let people who actually live this reality talk about it.
  5. You can’t put words in people’s mouths. Or thoughts, or ideas, or pretty much anything else. It’s wrong. Don’t think progressives do this? Tell you what, google “progressive Christian memes” and then we’ll talk.
  6. You can’t marginalize people because of they lack the “proper” educational credentials. Don’t think this is happening? Take a look at the roster of speakers at any progressive Christian event. I can almost guarantee you won’t find anyone who doesn’t at least have a masters degree. And, don’t get me wrong, I’m not against education. Hell, I’m going into some serious debt right now because I believe in it so much. But, progressive Christianity has to open it’s eyes and see that there are people out here who have important things to say that are being ignored because they don’t have any letters after their name.
  7. You can’t attack everything a person believes in. This is less about the message than the way you present it. Granted, some of the things Christians believe need to be challenged because they are, to put bluntly, fucked up. But, going all “scorched earth” on a conservative Christian’s belief that “the homosexual lifestyle” is a sin won’t get you where you want to go. Unless where you want to go is making yourself feel superior to “those people”. If that’s the case, you are definitely on the right track.
  8. You can’t block people on social media because you don’t like what they say. It goes back to that “love your neighbor” bit. Is it hard? God damn right it is. But, I think that’s what Jesus was talking about when he said “Take up your cross and follow me.”
  9. You can’t be a condescending douche. If you’re thinking most of the items on this list are covered in this point, you’re right. This attitude of theological and moral superiority (that borders on arrogance) may be progressive Christianity’s greatest sin. Don’t you think it’s about time we started working on it.
  10. And, last, you can’t make lists telling people what they can and can’t do as a Christian. This pretty much negates everything I’ve said up to now and that’s the point. I don’t think we get to be the arbiter of what is “Christian” and what isn’t. It really gets on my nerves when some hard-core conservative tells me that I’m not a Christian because I believe in full inclusion, reject the idea of Hell, that I’m “pro-life”, etc. Doing the same thing to them seems kind of shitty.

An Open Letter About My LGBT Kid

parkers-first-legal-beer
My son, Parker, enjoying his first beer. Okay, his first “legal” beer.

Lately, I’ve seen a few straight progressive bloggers write about parenting children who are LGBT. It might be speculation about how the author would react to the news that one of their kids is gay. Or, it could be an open letter telling parents what they should say to their LGBT kid. As the parent of a child who is part of the “T” portion (see photo at left) of that acronym, I thought I’d respond to this new blogging phenomenon. And what better way to do it than an open letter! I mean, they’re so effective.

 

 

Dear Progressive Bloggers,

     First, I want to thank you for your concern about my son and his well-being; not everyone feels that way. Here in North Carolina, we are dealing with a law that can put him in harm’s way whenever he’s out. And, I have seen some truly awful things said about him and other folks who are LGBT, so please be assured that your good intentions are appreciated.
     But there is a problem. You see, so much of what I read about parenting a child who is LGBT seems to be written by folks who either don’t have a kid who’s gay or they don’t have any kids at all.  Now, while I appreciate your interest in my child’s welfare, I have to let you know that any advice you might have to offer on how raise/relate to him makes me laugh. Honestly, you’re almost as funny as parents-to-be who claim they won’t let their child watch television because, “The TV isn’t a babysitter” (FTR, the TV is a great babysitter, it’s how most parents of toddlers get things done). And, your words carrying about as much weight.
     I find it interesting that actually having a kid who is lesbian, gay, bi, or trans  doesn’t seem to be a prerequisite for penning an article letting those of us in the trenches know just how we’re fucking up. Granted, many of us may not have those fancy letters after our name (MDiv, DD, etc.), but amazingly, we have managed to raise healthy, happy, astoundingly queer offspring without the benefit of your education, status and/or stature within the progressive community. Isn’t that crazy?
     Right about now, you’re probably thinking, “Well, this letter has certainly taken an ugly turn.” Yes, it has. And, you should probably grab hold of something because it’s about to worse.
     I don’t presume to speak for all parents who have an LGBT child, but I have had it up to here with sanctimonious, educated-beyond-their-intelligence, progressive preachers (because, no matter what you think, you’re not acting very pastoral here) telling me how to care for my son when they have zero skin in the game. Unless and until you’ve dealt with all the crap that comes with having a kid who is LGBTQ, your words don’t mean shit to me.
     I can hear some of you now, “But, Joel, we’re not talking to open-minded, progressive parents like you. We’re trying to reach those awful conservatives who have done so much harm to young people who are LGBTQQIP2SAA.” I hate to break to you, Skippy, but you ain’t reaching them. And, if by some weird chance they did click on your post, they wouldn’t make it past the first sentence of your holier-than-thou bullshit. Take it from someone who used to be one of those “awful conservatives”, words like “empowerment”, “parenting mantras” and that ridiculously ever expanding acronym used a couple of sentences ago are a one-way ticket to Ignoresville.
     So, what should you do? The same thing you tell those of us among the Great Unwashed to do when the conversation turns to issues other marginalized groups deal with: sit down, shut the fuck up and listen. And, if you want to do more, amplify the voices of people actually dealing with those issues. Because, right now? You’re just a “a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal”.

Pat McCrory to Charlotte: Let’s Make A Deal

Can you say, "Oops"?
“Well, shit. This isn’t what I wanted at all.”

Yeah, I know I haven’t written in a while, but this school thing takes a lot more time than I expected. Between my class schedule and homework, my blogging frequency has dropped off dramatically. But, a recent development has prompted me to shake the dust off of the Progressive Redneck and dispense my own particular brand of “wisdom” once again.

Last week, the NCAA and the ACC both announced that until HB 2 (NC’s bathroom bill) is repealed, they will not schedule any events in North Carolina and the already scheduled events would be moved to another venue that didn’t have such a discriminatory law on the books. That, my friends, is the heaviest blow we’ve been dealt so far.

Now, if you’re not from NC, you probably think, “So what? If all the stuff that’s happened so far didn’t move them, why will this make a difference?” It will make a difference because much of my state’s pride is tied to its universities and their prowess in sports. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but when you’re a vale of humility between two mountains of conceit, you take what you can get.

This was a particularly effective action, even more so than Springsteen cancelling his concert or the NBA moving the All-Star Game. How do we know this? Because Governor McCrory and his Republican colleagues have started making overtures about a possible repeal.

That’s right, beloved, the governor and his pals have spent last six months on their collective soapbox, shouting that HB 2 is a necessary, common-sense protection of the safety and privacy of North Carolina womanhood. Now, faced with the premier sporting events boycotting the state (and, let’s be honest, no true North Carolinian gives a flying fuck about pro sports when the ACC’s available), they fold like a cheap suit. Could it be there’s more to this story than meets the eye?

I’d say yes (you knew that was coming, didn’t you?). You see, there’s another development that isn’t getting quite as much attention as the latest sports news: McCrory is losing his reelection bid and badly. His opponent, Attorney General Roy Cooper, leads him by an average of almost 5% according to RealClearPolitics. It’s taken 6 long months, but it appears that the guv has finally figured out that HB2 is a millstone around his neck.

He’s not going down without a fight, though. It seems that the Republican offer of repeal comes with strings: before the governor will even call a special session to consider rescinding this bit of heinous fuckery, the Charlotte City Council has to walk back their ordinance. You read that right, folks, they’ll talk about repealing HB2 if Charlotte actually repeals their law first. I wonder if these guys have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell?

I have to wonder what makes McCrory think this course is even possible? He’s spent months pumping up his base with talk of not giving in to “political correctness” and dog whistles about awful trans folks just waiting to molest their pure-as-the-driven-snow daughters if they’re allowed into women’s restrooms. Now that he’s losing, he’s willing to remove the only thing protecting their precious angels provided he can get concessions from the enemy? I don’t think that will fly.

Charlotte’s leaders would have to have rocks in their heads to fall for this bit of political chicanery. McCrory is on the ropes and HB2’s chances aren’t looking good either. A similar case in Virginia was heard by the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals (whose jurisdiction includes NC) and it didn’t come out well for the anti-LGBTQ crowd. Hang tough, Charlotte. In a couple of months, we should be rid of the one of the worst governors in state history. Unfortunately, the stain he’s left on our state’s reputation will take much longer to clear up.

Radical Islam? How About Radical Christianity?

radical islamIt’s been almost two weeks since “He who shall not be named” walked into an Orlando nightclub and perpetrated the worst mass shooting in American history. And, as you might expect, the bullshit is flying hot and heavy. Perhaps the heaviest is the Republican’s refusal to even acknowledge that this was a hate crime. I don’t know about you, but I’m finding it all pretty goddamned tedious.

So, if the shooter wasn’t motivated by hatred for people who are LGBTQ, why did he do it? The Republican answer? “Radical Islam”, of course. And, they are pulling out all the stops to deflect attention from any other option. Unfortunately for them, it’s not really working, what with all the news coverage of the Senate filibuster and House sit-in.

This inability to control the narrative is causing some desperation on the part of the GOP, leading to events like Louie Gohmert jumping up in the middle of the House Democrat’s sit-in and screaming, “Radical Islam killed these people!” The whole thing might be funny if it wasn’t because of 49 dead folks.

But, Republican temper tantrums aside, there is a “radical” element behind what happened in Orlando and it is part of an Abrahamic religion. It is not, however, the one founded by Mohammed. It’s the one that’s responsible for every shitty act committed against people who are LGBTQ: Christianity.

Why would I say such a thing? Well, let’s take a look at this term, “radical Islam”, and see what it means. If you leave out sites that have an obvious axe to grind, there’s not much on the internet concerning its meaning. I could find only one unbiased option, The Free Dictionary, which defines it as, “An Islamic revivalist movement, often characterized by moral conservatism, literalism, and the attempt to implement Islamic values in all spheres of life.” 

So, is there a strain of Christianity in America that could be characterized by “moral conservatism, literalism, and the attempt to implement (its) values in all spheres of life”? Maybe a group that constantly shouts about “religious freedom” because people they’ve spent years demonizing and pushing to the margins is now beginning to be treated as equal citizens? Or, even human beings, for that matter.  The answer is, of course, yes. And, you don’t have to look very far to find it.

Within hours of the news, a number of “Christian pastors” publicly celebrated what happened in that nightclub. In several cases, their message was almost identical, referring to the victims as “predators”, “pedophiles” and “sodomites” and saying that Orlando was safer with these people gone. Yes, beloved, you read that right: men who claim to be ministers of the Gospel praised the deaths of 49 children of God.

By any stretch of the imagination, what these preachers have said is no different from the words of Muslim fundamentalists who say that LGBT people should be put to death. One of these “radical Islamists”, Farrokh Sekaleshfar, said, “We have to have that compassion for people. With homosexuals, it’s the same. Out of compassion, let’s get rid of them now.” So, if men like Sekaleshfar “radical Islamists”, why aren’t Christians who praise the death of so many people who are LGBTQ “radical Christians”?

Maybe it’s because the phrase “radical Islam” really means “Islam in general”. All too many people in this country have a skewed view of Islam and it’s not good. Mention “peace” and “Islam” in the same breath around some folks and you’ll get an earful. More than likely, they won’t bother with the qualifier “radical”. And, let’s not forget that old stand by, “Not all Muslims are terrorists, but most terrorists are Muslims.” (hint: they aren’t)

But, I can understand the Republican’s desperation to make Orlando about “radical Islam” even though we can’t find any link to ISIS. Times are changing and this kind of rabid anti-LGBT sentiment is quickly becoming a millstone around the neck of anyone running for office. But, unfortunately for the GOP, what happened in Orlando isn’t about Islam, radical or otherwise. No, it can only be laid squarely at the feet of Christianity. And, if we’re being honest, not just the “radical” kind.

Stupid Thoughts

stupid thoughtsI don’t think anyone will disagree with me when I say we have been treated to some truly awful shit of late. Then, to have it capped off by what happened in Orlando last weekend is just too…fucking…much. Now, when things get rough, my response is to look for some bit of humor, something to laugh about. Why?  Well, as comedian Chris Hardwick said in his latest Comedy Central special, “Comedy is armor that protects us from the horrible shit-witch of life.” And, as the parent of someone who’s LGBT, I need that armor now, more than ever.

So, where does one find comedy in this horrific shitstorm? Fuck if I know. But, I feel the need to write something funny (well, funny to me, anyway), so here are a few of the stupid thoughts that pass through my brain on a daily basis. With a little luck, maybe you’ll laugh and, for a few minutes, forget how fucked up things are right now.

  • A few years before he died, I found out my dad…, didn’t need Viagra. I know this because he told me so. On hearing this “news”, I was immediately torn. On one hand, I thought, “Oh god, I can’t know that.” On the other, I was like, “Well, at least I come from good genes.”
  • People have asked me, “How can you call yourself a Christian with some of the things you believe?” There are two reasons for that: one, I’m a progressive Christian which means I’m not hung up on a lot the stuff Christians have traditionally worried about: sex, drugs, alcohol, rock and roll, etc. and two, I’m not a very good Christian.
  • Why does every commercial aimed at folks my age seem to be about boner pills and adult diapers? If I need diapers, boner pills probably aren’t going to be necessary.
  • I think I’m going to start referring to myself as a religious satirist. I used to say I was a smart ass with a blog, but that brand is kind of a hard sell.
  • Why does sexy never equal comfortable? Like sweatpants, for example. We know sweatpants aren’t sexy because they don’t sell them at Victoria’s Secret. (Yes, in my mind, Victoria is the arbiter of sexy clothing. It is a step up, though; I used think it was Frederick’s of Hollywood). I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen someone wearing sweatpants and thought, “Damn, I gotta get me some of that.” Probably because of what’s usually worn with sweatpants: t-shirt with stains and non-strategically placed holes, ratty-ass sneakers/sandals and socks (the sexiest of all footwear) and a full-blown case of bed head. Basically, wearing sweatpants in public is like holding up a sign that says, “I don’t fucking care anymore.” I suppose this look does take confidence and confidence is sexy. But, I’m guessing this crosses the line.
  • How can Christians look down on fringe beliefs like Scientology as “crazy”? The Scientology space opera isn’t any more absurd than believing that a Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree?

This is the first time I’ve tried a post like this, so if you like it, let me know. With a comment. In the comment section. If you don’t…? Well, my first inclination to say “Fuck you”, but that’s probably not the best way to handle criticism. So, I guess you can comment, too. Whatever.

Five Little Letters

Some of these letters are offensive, some are not. Can you guess which ones are and which aren't?
Some of these letters are offensive, some are not. Can you guess which ones are and which aren’t?

In case you didn’t know, it’s time for the United Methodist Church’s General Conference 2016. And, just when I thought I’d seen it all, the followers of one of history’s most anal rententive religious figures, John Wesley (they don’t call it “Methodism” for nothing, y’all), have surprised me.

It seems that the organizers of the conference had invited Rev. Vicki Flippin, of NYC’s “The Church of the Village”, to give the greeting at the opening worship service. Shortly before that service was to begin, Flippin was told to amend her greeting or she wouldn’t be allowed to give it. What, you ask, could a Methodist pastor say that would be offensive enough to get her uninvited? You’re not going to believe this, but it boiled down to five little letters: L, G, B, T, and Q.

That’s right, beloved. Conservatives are now upset by letters. Well, some letters, anyway. There are some that don’t seem to bother them, like T, I, T, H, I, N, G or A, U, T, H, O, R, I, T, Y. Hmm, T and G show up here and they’re okay, but in the previous sequence they’re offensive? I’m confused.

What is it about L, G, B, T, and Q that bothers them so? Is it the fact that, on their own, they don’t spell anything? Or, maybe it’s the lack of vowels; I know some of those Eastern European words that are mostly consonants can be hard to pronounce. I suppose it could even be that the leaders of the UMC don’t care for acronyms. Perhaps someone with more education can enlighten me as to why these letters are so objectionable.

A part of me thinks that if I understood why these letters are so abhorrent they can’t even be mentioned in a worship service, I might still be a Methodist. You see, I defected to a welcoming and affirming Baptist church four years ago, after the 2012 General Conference when the conservative majority said “Suck it!” to the people who disagreed with them on LGBT…, wait a minute, is that what this is all about? Are you serious?!?

The only thing I can take away from this story is that the leaders of a denomination founded on the teachings of one of the foremost proponents of social justice of his time can’t bear even the mere mention the letters L, B, G, T, and Q in a worship service. Why? Because they think the people those letters refer to are…, “icky”. Considering that this denomination’s rulebook states that “all persons are of sacred worth”, this doesn’t make any sense to me. At all.

You know, I’m watching this GC with an almost morbid fascination, hoping against hope that the church which taught me about grace and that God’s love will start living up to the ideals set forth in the “Book of Discipline”. I have a feeling I’m going to be disappointed. Again.

HB 2 A “Blatant and Baseless Overreach”

satire defThe rest of the country has not been kind to North Carolina the past few month. Since the passage of HB 2 in March, the state has lost as much as $500 million in economic activity, seen shows cancelled by popular performers, faced travel boycotts from multiple states and countries, and become the butt of cruel jokes. All because we want to protect our wimmin and kids from a bunch of freaks transgensders sexual predators. Now, the U.S. Justice Department has weighed in, informing NC officials that HB 2 violates both Title VII and Title IX of the Civil Rights Act and is, therefore, “facially discriminatory”.

Yesterday, our illustrious governor, the Honorable Pat McCrory, appeared on “Fox News Sunday“, to whine protest about the letter. It seems that he is unhappy about the amount of time the Justice Department had given the state to respond to the charges.

“We don’t think three working days is enough to respond to such a threat,” McCrory said. “It’s the federal government being a bully, it’s making law, and it’s their interpretation.”

Why, that makes perfect sense! Any fool can see that three working days isn’t anywhere near enough time to come up with a response to the Justice Department’s threat. I mean, sure the law took less than 12 hours to debate and pass, but our leaders need a sufficient amount of time to deliberate and come up with common-sense answer.

After McCrory complained pointed out that the federal government was now going to start telling private companies who could use what bathroom, Wallace asked if he would regard it as “government overreach” if the group in question were African-Americans and not people who are transgender. The guv’s answer? “But we can definitely define the race of people. It’s very hard to define transgender or gender identity.” Exactly. While we’re at it, let’s set up some special water fountains for trans people, too. Separate but equal, of course.

Wallace, who appears to have found his journalistic integrity seemed particulartly quarrelsome, asked, “How many cases have you had in North Carolina in the last year where people have been convicted of using transgender protections to commit crimes in bathrooms?” After repeated attempts to evade the question and blame the whole thing on the Democrats, he finally had to admit that there were none. At this point, things were not looking good for the governor.

But, our Pat wasn’t done yet. When Wallace asked “But, if there’s no problem, then why pass the law in the first place?”, our boy replied, “But, there can be a problem…” Exactly. We need to be protected from all the things that might happen. I’m thinking about asking my representative to propose legislation outlawing alien abduction. Granted, such a law would be as effective as HB 2 is in preventing sexual assault, but that’s beside the point.

Well, it’s Monday, and this morning our esteemed leaders responded to the Justice Department’s warning theat: the governor and Secretary of Public Safety Frank Perry have filed suit in federal court calling the Justice Department’s demands “a baseless and blatant overreach.” Amen and hallelujah!

I don’t know about anyone else, but I applaud this action; to do anything less would be selling out our kids to the PC culture that is ruining this once great nation. Sure, it might cost North Carolina billions in education funding and our kids won’t be able to read or write, but at least they’ll be safe from those mythical bathroom predators. And, isn’t that what really counts?

McCrory: “I Might Be In Trouble”

Can you say, "Oops"?
Can you say “oops”?

On Tuesday, Governor Pat McCrory went on The John Boy and Billy Big Show in his continuing (pathetic) attempts to control the damage HB 2 is doing to his campaign, not to mention the state of North Carolina. The 15 minute interview was mostly a rehash of the whining and bullshit that has characterized the conservative response to the shitstorm this law has brought on. But, interestingly, he said three things I hadn’t heard before.

The first came when he was listing all the people/organizations/companies he considers hypocrites for their stance against the law. In this list, McCrory included a certain rock and roll icon, saying:

“I love Bruce Springsteen. I love his music. But he canceled a concert in Greensboro. By the way, they only had 8,000 tickets sold, with all respect. Hmm. But Bruce doesn’t mention that. They didn’t get the ticket sales they wanted.”

My god, man, if you’re going make shit up, at least try and make it believable, will you? Seriously, Springsteen probably can’t remember the last time he sold just 8000 tickets for a show. And, if he does, it was probably for a 6000 seat venue.

It’s bad enough that the comment was obvious bullshit, but it was bullshit that was incredibly easy to verify. With a single phone call to the Greensboro Coliseum’s PR director, Andrew Brown, Politifact found that “The Boss” had sold not 8000 tickets, but 15,000. In fact, there were only about 100 seats left for the show. According to Brown, “It’s safe to say it would have sold out.” Of course, when they called him on it, the governor apologized for using “the wrong number”. Why, that makes everything better!

For the second, ol’ Pat slipped up and allowed some genuine honesty into this sad attempt to pander for votes on a show that was filled with what can only be called “sycophantic ass-kissery”. At one point, he told these two fawning groupies, “Society is changing quickly and anybody who gets in the way is in trouble. And I might be in trouble. I might be looking for a side job over here.” A side job? Pat, if the polls are any indication, you might need to dust off your resume and start putting out feelers for full-time employment.

Those polls show Attorney General Roy Cooper leading McCrory from anywhere between 2-10% (RealClearPolitics average = 4.3%).  That’s one hell of a turnaround considering that McCrory held a fairly consistent lead over Cooper (as much as a 7% at its highest) prior to the passage of HB 2. Afterwards, though? It’s been all down hill for McCrory, with the last 4 polls showing Cooper ahead. Saying that it’s not looking good for the guv is a lot like saying George Wallace was “a little racist”.

The third was, umm, ahh, oh what was the third? There was Springsteen didn’t sell many tickets, “I might be in trouble” and, let’s see…, I can’t. The third one, I can’t…, oops. Yeah, I know that joke goes back a ways, but it’s a classic.

You know, as much fun as it is to watch the disintegration of the Republican Party on a national level, seeing what’s happening to these local turds is giving me a joy boner. With any luck, it’ll stay up until November.