I’m A Little Disappointed

After all the doom and gloom from conservatives, this what I've been expecting.
After all the doom and gloom from conservatives, this what I’ve been expecting.

So, it’s been two whole weeks since the nation was told it’s facing a disaster of biblical proportions and what’s happened? Nothing. Not a damn thing. No fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. No rivers and seas boiling. We haven’t begun forty years of darkness and there have been no earthquakes or volcanoes. The dead aren’t rising from their graves and there’s no human sacrifice and no mass hysteria. Shit, dogs and cats aren’t even living together (well, they are. But you know what I mean). In other words, none of that real wrath of God stuff despite what certain people continue to promise us. I have to say, I’m a little disappointed.

I mean, shit, if we’re going to go to all the trouble of redefining marriage, the least the Almighty could do is give us a preview of the smack down that’s in store for us. It is possible, however, that a recent article on Gawker may have stumbled onto that very thing. Just two days ago, Hamilton Nolan reported the following incidents:

  • The New York City subway system suffered an atrocious commute Wednesday, with some trains being inexplicably stranded in stations for long periods of time.
  • The website “The Dissolve” folded
  • United Airlines was forced to ground all of its flights after its computer system mysteriously stopped working.
  • The New York Stock Exchange suspended trading after its computerized trading system mysteriously stopped working.
  • Immediately after, the Wall Street Journal’s website mysteriously stopped working.
  • More than 2,500 people in Washington, DC mysteriously lost power.

Is it just me or is that pretty fucking weak even for a preview? Seriously, it’s going to take a lot more than a piddly list like this for God to our attention these days.

Of course, earthquakes, volcanoes and the like probably won’t do the job, either. Those things happen often enough that they’ve become so much background noise to us. No, if God wants to grab our shirt front today, God needs to hit us where it hurts. Like, say, interrupting our internet service. Think about, millions of hipsters/millennials/whoever the fuck subscribes to Netflix unable to catch the latest ‘sode of OITNB or House of Cards? Oh, the horror! Or, what if God waved a mighty hand and wiped texting from the face of the Earth? Not only would that get our attention, it would ring in the Gaypocolypse with the kind of style I, personally, like to see from a deity.

But, before you get all wound up about the wrath of the Almighty think about this: if God didn’t smite the United States over holding millions of people in bondage and getting rich off the sweat of their brow, I think we’ll be okay. If God let us slide for committing genocide against the native population of this continent and stealing their land, I don’t think we need to worry. Because we rounded up hundreds of thousands of Japanese-American citizens for no good reason and put them in concentration camps and God still didn’t see fit to punish us, we may be all right. And, since God didn’t pour out his wrath over the disenfranchisement, marginalization and even lynching of African-Americans, we may not need to worry too much because we’ve seen fit to recognize LGBT+ people’s equality when it comes to marriage. That doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of work still to be done when it comes to equality and loving our neighbors, because there is. And, if God is going to smite us about anything, I have to think it would be over our reluctance to do that work, not its accomplishment.