It’s About Time

Just to make sure everyone understands this for what it is.
Just to make sure everyone understands this for what it is.


conservative bibleI truly admire Andy Schlafly. I would say I love him, but I might sound like a gay (not that there’s anything wrong that). I admire him because he’s fighting the good fight, just like his mom, Phyllis, has all these years. Andy is the owner of Conservapedia, a wiki site he founded to combat the liberal bias of Wikipedia. That alone is enough to earn him a place in the conservative pantheon, but Schlafly is not one to rest on his laurels. A few years ago, he started a project “to render God’s word into modern English without liberal translation distortions”. All I can say is, it’s about time.

To do this, Conservapedia has thrown open the door to “the best of the public“. While you may not have heard this phrase before, it relies on the idea that “extraordinary achievements are attained by ordinary people.” Especially since ordinary people don’t have all that pesky book-learning to get in their way. Don’t believe me? Look at David Barton; he’s no expert in history or constitutional law (he has a BA in Religious Ed from ORU), but that hasn’t kept him from attempting to redress the historical inaccuracies our children are taught about the Founding Fathers and the First Amendment (like Ben, George and Tom were evangelical Christians and America is a Christian nation). Schlafly believes his project needs more people like Barton and fewer eggheads with all their highfalutin’ knowledge of Greek and Hebrew, not to mention historical context (because none of that is really necessary to understand a book written in another language for a foreign culture 2000 years ago).

As I said earlier, Conservedia says that current versions of the Bible are beset by translation errors, namely in these three areas:

  • lack of precision in the original language, such as terms underdeveloped to convey new concepts introduced by Christ
  • lack of precision in modern language
  • translation bias, mainly of the liberal kind, in converting the original language to the modern one.

While the first two can’t be helped, the third one is a different story. It is also the most insidious, as it has allowed liberal bias into the sacred text. This has allowed liberals to twist and distort the holy word of God to suit their own socialist, America-destroying agenda. How do they do that? By using gender-inclusive language, promoting non-violence and forgiveness (because there’s no way Jesus actually meant “turn the other cheek” and “love your enemies”) and including stories that make it seem like the early church was some kind of hippie commune (like living together and sharing everything?). But, Schlafly and Conservapedia are going to fix all that.

The Conservative Bible Project has already completed a first draft of the New Testament which, I think, is great. In the Beatitudes, they’ve changed “Blessed are the meek” to “Blessed are the God-fearing” which is not so touchy-feely (because Jesus was not that kind of guy). The story of Jesus confronting the men about to stone a fallen woman? Gone, because it may not have happened (you mean like the Gospel of John?). In the Savior’s words at the end of the story of the rich young ruler, “It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven”, it has been recommended that the word “rich” be changed to “fully fed and entertained” or “idle miser” because, well, the original can make our wealthy brothers feel bad (we wouldn’t want their deep pockets to get shallow). “Peace be with you” gets changed to “Peace of mind be with you” (who wants to follow a wimpy, pacifist Jesus?).

I know all this might seem odd in light of conservatives’ insistence that the Bible is the inerrant word of God that must be taken literally (as long as it fits our agenda, of course). Don’t worry, it still is; this project just offers a few tweaks that get rid of some the more troublesome aspects like loving your neighbor (Sure, providing they’re just like me), turning the other cheek (seriously?) and not hoarding wealth (everyone knows Jesus was a capitalist). The stuff that applies to the gays and other people we don’t like? No problem there, it’s cool as it 

  • Candace Donaldson Wagner

    How refreshing your perspective is.

  • John Baker

    Good News!

    In the beginning was our Promise, and our Promise was with us, and our Promise was Justice.

    We were in the beginning just. All things came to be through peace and justice, and without them nothing came to be. Thus, Justice for All became our Love. This love shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

    We are here by just cause and have come for testimony, to testify our love, so that all might love freely. Though apart we are not perfect, together we are meant to be.

    Now our true self and savior, He who loves unconditionally, is coming into the world. Indeed, He is throughout the world. But though the world came to be through Him, the world does not recognize Him and though He has come for what is His own, His own do not acknowledge Him. But to those who do, He is our purpose. For those who answer His call are reborn; not by nation, nor by race, nor by class, but by Love.

    And his spirit is real and makes His dwelling within us. And we see his glory. The glory as of a mother towards her only child, full of mercy and grace. And we fall before Him and cry out, “This is the one of whom we say, he who comes after me precedes me because he comes before me.” For as justice for all is derived from the law, equality before the law precedes all. No one has ever seen our true potential. Our only imperative, to love one another, which is in our blood, has revealed it. And this is our testimony.

    When you send your people to question us, we confess and do not deny, but admit, “I am not the answer.” When they ask us, “Are you a hero?” We say, “I am not.” “Then do you think you are special?” We answer, “No.” And when they say to us, “Who are you then so we can give an answer to our master? What do you have to say for yourself?” We say, “I am the voice of your conscience calling out under iniquity; make straight the way of equality. As I say the prophets say.”

    Then when you come to us directly and ask us, “What do you preach if you are not the answer, nor a hero, nor special in any way?” We answer you, “I abide your true self; the part of you whom you do not trust, yet who is emerging, and who is our authority.”

    Lo, He is here! Behold the gift of righteousness who usurps the hypocrisy of the world. He is the one for whom we say, “A savior is approaching who redeems me because His presence anoints me.” I myself do not know Him, but the reason I come praising Him is that His love might be made known to everyone.

    We testify further, saying, “I see Heaven come down like a dove from the sky and remain upon Him.” Again I do not know Him, but those who raised me with dignity have assured me, “On whomever you see a love for the People come down and remain, He is the one who will bring peace to the world.”

    Now that I have seen Him, I testify that He is among us. For when we are together, He is with us. Now, as we witness His approach, we say to ourselves, “Behold the Glory.” And we hear Him and lift ourselves up to be with Him. And when He sees us following Him, He asks us, “What do you seek?” We say to Him, “Sire, we seek our purpose.” He answers us, “Come and see what you have found.” So we follow Him and uncover our true potential. And at the end of the day we go forth and find others to exclaim, “Be the People!”

    And as the electorate come forward, He looks at us and says, “As apostles of mine, you will be called World Citizens”. Then we shall all go forth and find other Citizens to declare, “We are there!”

    And though we are strangers to each other, we are no stranger to Him for we love one another as we love ourselves. And as we continue, we shall find more to proclaim, “We have found our savior about whom the righteous wrote in the Law and the prophets in Scripture. Justice for all is a stranger no more.”

    And when it is said, “Can anything good come of it?” We say to you, “See for yourself.” As you approach Him, He says to you, “Here is my kind. There is no duplicity in you.” You ask Him, “How do you know me?” He says to you, “Are you not true to yourself?” And you question Him, “Master, when will we be true to one another?”

    He answers and says to you, “Do you believe in Truth because you know you will be rewarded? The Truth is that freedom is its own reward.” He continues, “Right now! Right now! I say unto you! Every cup shall overflow as the blessings of world peace shower down upon the kingdom of Global Online Democracy!”