It’s All Hallows Eve…, Eve

jesus-weenI’m a little disappointed in you, evangelicals. In years past, I could always count on you for prime blog fodder during this season. Your War on Halloween used to be a wonderous (and, let’s face it, hilarious) combination of ignorance and fear that pushed you to outlandish extremes which were then used for evangelism; i.e. scaring the “Hell” out of people. But, this year? The big “gets” are senile old fart televangelist Pat Robertson issuing his annual warning that Halloween celebrates Satan and a CBN article that says Christians shouldn’t celebrate Halloween because it “represents an opportunity to embrace the evil, devilish, dark side of the spiritual world.” Really? Is that all you’ve got? Pathetic.

What happened to you guys? You used to be all about smearing the pagan holiday of Samhain, over-the-top-scare-you-into-Jesus’-arms Hell Houses and Halloween substitutes like “Jesusween” (my personal favorite). Oh sure, I know you’re still doing all this stuff, but you’re nowhere near as in our faces about it as you used to be. It’s like you’ve gone undercover or something.

Here’s how bad things have gotten: the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association posted an article that encourages “each family to develop their own approach to Halloween based on their own convictions and the options for celebration available to them.” What the fuck?!? The premiere evangelical organization in the country publishing something nuanced and reasonable about Halloween? Lo, how the mighty have fallen.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that there are a few current articles that can stand with some of your earlier craziness zeal concerning All Hallow’s Eve. But, nothing like years past. Try to search “Evangelicals Halloween” and Google suggests “Evangelicals Halloween Song” and the top result of that is a song by some hipster indie rock band from Oklahoma (goddamn hipsters are everywhere). But, when you finally get to some stuff about evangelical Christians and Halloween, almost everything you see is a year old. At least.

To be fair, however, I think I can figure out why some of the things you’ve tried to stuff down our throats  promote haven’t really been accepted. Take Jesusween, for example. It’s really no surprise that this gem never caught on: handing out “Bibles and Christian gifts in a friendly way” is a fast track to having your house egged, no matter how nice you are. And, that’s not even talking about the name; which, if we’re being honest, sounds a little dirty.

But, seriously, where’s all your outrage about a holiday dedicated to “the Devil’s night”, one that “celebrates darkness”? Where are the warnings about kid’s costumes? Or, your admonitions not give out candy because that somehow reinforces the worship of Satan? Come on guys, you can do better than this.

This isn’t just about Halloween, however. I hate to break it you, evangelicals, but you’ve gotten boring. It’s all politics with you guys these days. When’s the last time we heard a good rant that wasn’t about abortion, guns or gays? Seriously, that shit’s getting old and it’s never been what you’re truly good at. You’re Christians, just like us progressives and mainliners (whether you want to admit we belong to the same tribe or not) and we believe some weird shit. So, go on and let the crazy out. Will it make disciples? I doubt it. But, neither is what you’re doing now. This way, at least you’ll be interesting again.