Or, The GAYPOCALYPSE.
(Either one, take your choice)

This is we'll all look like if "homosexual activists" get what they want.
Is this what we’ll all look like if “homosexual activists” get what they want?

Sorry to yell at you like that, but I just watched the trailer for Light Wins: How to Overcome the Criminalization of Christianity and, frankly, it scared the shit out of me. Not because I’m afraid “the gays” are going to take over and send all us Christians to the camps, but that someone spent money to make this pile of crap. You see, Light Wins is a new documentary about the threat posed to Christianity by the homosexual agenda’s assault on our freedoms.

It starts with several scare-inducing clips about “homosexual activists”. Then, producer (I think, the trailer is a bit short on details) Janet Porter appears. In what may be the most ham-handed metaphor in the history of film (ease up, movie geeks; this turd is a “film”, if only because there’s other medium in which to place it), Porter, while walking through a dark forest holding a lantern, tells us her project will “shed some light on how we can use the freedoms we have left” to preserve the Christian faith.

Are you wondering what freedoms are being assaulted? So am I. Maybe, it’s the freedom to discriminate. Oh wait, maybe it’s the freedom to fuck over people who are different from you. No, I’ve got it, it’s the freedom to go batshit crazy over imagined attacks on a dominant culture so deeply intrenched in our society that it’s practically unassailable. That’s some scary stuff, isn’t it?

As the trailer carries on, we hear from such notables as Mike Huckabee, aka the Huckster, and David Barton, the foremost revisionist historian of our time. Not only that, Porter’s newsletter announced that the full version of the video will feature Sen. Rand Paul and Reps. Louie Gohmert and Steve King. Wow, talk about a stellar cast! And, by “stellar cast”, I mean “who’s who of right-wing nut jobs”.

Okay, by now you’re probably wondering “Who the hell is Janet Porter and why should I give a flying fuck what she thinks?” While I have no idea how to answer the second part of that question, I can “shed some light” on Ms. Porter (You can’t see it, but I was pretending to hold a lantern when I typed “shed some light”). At one time, she hosted a radio show on VCY America. But, that program was cancelled in 2010 after her comments in favor of dominionism went too far even for that bastion of evangelical craziness purity. Last year, she helped set up ReaganBook (aka “Facebook for Patriots”), which was quickly shut down (like, within a few hours of its debut) after a deluge of sarcastic and pornographic posts. She is also the author of The Criminalization of Christianity: Read This Book Before It Becomes Illegal! (yes, that’s the actual title). Porter currently heads up Faith2Action, the producer of “Light Wins”. While that’s quite a resume, I’m not sure it qualifies her as a thinking human, much less a film maker.

As I said earlier, the basic premise of this Alabama Hot Pocket of a film is that Christianity is under attack by the united forces of gaydom, intent on ramming their “lifestyle” down our throat. According to one of the fear mongers quoted in the video: “If homosexual activists get everything they want, it’ll be nothing less than the criminalization of Christianity.” Which is interesting, since I know a few “homosexual activists” and many of them are Christians. I guess these people are a rainbow fifth column attempting to destroy us from within by asking that we follow Jesus’ commandment to love one another. The bastards!

I don’t think Porter and company understand what an “assault” on “religious freedom” would actually look like. Listen, no one is saying you can’t believe whatever you want to believe about others. What we are saying is you can’t do is use what you believe to discriminate against others. That idea is not out of the liberal playbook or part of the “gay agenda”, it’s straight out of the U. S. Constitution; you know, that document you carry around in your pocket. You might want to get it out and read it again, because it appears you don’t quite understand what it says. And, while you’re at it, read some of that Bible you’re always waving around (especially the red letters), since you seem to be struggling with some of the stuff in there, too. And, do it soon, please. You’re making Jesus and Thomas Jefferson cry.