satire defOnce again, South Carolina’s display of a Confederate flag on the grounds of their state house is in the news. Which means that, once again, proud southerners like me are called upon to defend our heritage against the ravening hordes of liberal, PC police who want to deny us the right to celebrate our ancestors in the most meaningful way possible: clinging to the symbol of a defeated nation and its ideals. Sure, that flag only flies on South Carolina’s capitol grounds as a way of giving the feds the finger at being forced to treat black folks like something approaching equal human beings, but that doesn’t mean it’s about hate. Does it?

For those of you who live under a rock, last Wednesday, some little nerd walked into a church in Charleston, SC and killed 9 folks. Somehow, that means I should now be ashamed of my heritage. Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. My heritage is not about hate, it’s about honoring men who felt so strongly about the ownership of other people, they were willing to send my ancestors to their deaths to protect it. And, then 100 years later, waging an insurgency to keep black folks subjugated preserve the southern way of life. Where’s the hate in that?

Since then, there has been a plethora of folks signing petitions and calling for the state to remove the flag. I hate to break it to you all , but you probably won’t get the response you’re hoping for. Why? Because southerners are fiercely independent lot and this is the kind of foolishness makes us dig in our heels deeper. What would work? Damned if I know.

Actually, pitching a fit and calling the Confederate flag treasonous and a symbol of white supremacy while still saluting the American flag is just the sort of disingenuous nonsense I expect from this bunch of pinko commie jerks. Don’t they know that slavery existed under the American flag for 89 years before the U. S. finally did the right thing and abolished it completely in 1865. Or, that the flag of the C.S.A. never flew over a single slave ship? Of course, many  northern states abolished slavery in the early 19th century and the international slave trade was outlawed over 50 years before the first state seceded from the Union, but why get bogged down in minutiae?

In answer to all this uproar, I refer you to what a friend of mine (who grew up in SC) said recently, “Taking the Confederate flag down won’t solve our racial problems.” Exactly, so why bother? Oh yeah, he also said some communist sounding stuff about how leaving it up means we don’t really care about addressing those problems, but he’s a Presbyterian, so what does he know?

A certain wag has said, ” Whatever the Confederate flag might mean to me or any other white person, it’s offensive to our neighbors of color. Hospitality (which we southerners claim to be so good at) demands that we respect their wishes and remove it.” Obviously, this ninny has no idea what he’s talking about. Anyone with a brain knows that hospitality is about sipping sweet tea on the veranda with friends, not all that ugly political stuff.

As I said earlier, I am a proud son of the south and my family has lived in this region since the mid-1600’s. My ancestors were both yeoman farmers and well-to-do planters who fought for both the Confederacy and the United States (though not during the War of Northern Aggression. It’s not like they were traitors or something). Because of those things, I know there is more to the flag than just hatred and racism. It’s also about threatening to take our ball and go home every time the federal government does something we don’t like.

So, to all you scalawags who call upon South Carolina to take down the flag, I say you can have that sacred symbol when you pry it from our cold, dead fingers. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go watch FoxNews and see the latest attempt of the Muslim in the White House to incite the thugs and race-baiters into declaring war on God-fearing white people. Courage, y’all!