Yoga pants: the most powerful garment on the planet
Yoga pants: possibly the most powerful garment on the planet

First of all, let me say that, although this is primarily addressed to men, it isn’t “just for men”. I only used that picture because I liked the image and couldn’t find one that didn’t have the “prayer meeting” line. That said, I’m not a big fan of the phrase “Man up” because it implies that the person it’s directed at isn’t being “a man” ((who made you the judge of what a man does or doesn’t do?)). But, it’s so much more succinct and eye-catching than “Men Should Behave As Adults And Stop Blaming Women For Their Perceived Shortcomings”.  I’m referring, of course, to the evangelical practice of blaming women for men’s “lustful thoughts”.

If you’re not familiar with this custom, google “yoga pants” and “Christian”. Go ahead, I’ll wait…, oh, you’re back already? Wasn’t that a fun little trip down the religious rabbit hole? For those of you unable to click the link, I’ll sum things up for you: basically, young evangelical women are taking it upon themselves to stop wearing yoga pants, leggings and other,somewhat revealing clothes in public for fear of tempting their brothers in Christ. Not only that, their husbands are either asking them to do this or agreeing that it’s a good idea when their wives suggest it((everything I’ve read on the subject is about young married couples, but I’m sure it applies to single women, too)). And, why? Because they don’t want other men seeing their property, oops, I mean “wife”, on display like that. Evidently, America has its own version of the burqa. Who’da thunk it?

There are so many problems with this line of thinking it will make your head hurt. But, let’s look at few of them anyway:

  • Conservatives love to talk about manliness and masculinity. Now, I don’t know about you, but I was taught that a man didn’t blame others for his failings; he owned them and worked to improve himself. And, he damn sure didn’t make things harder on the woman in his life because he was too lazy to change.
  • Looking isn’t a sin, it’s just human nature. Hell, it’s how we’re wired.  Now, here’s the thing: it is possible appreciate the female form without thinking “lustful thoughts” (i.e. objectifying). If you can’t do that, maybe you need to seek professional help.
  • Yoga pants and leggings are so powerful they can make an otherwise good and faithful man cheat on the women he swore to love and cherish for the rest of his days? Yeah, right. Look, if you can be swayed by a pair of fucking pants, the problem might be that you’re a lying, cheating bastard who’s never really grown up.
  • I hate to break to you, folks((I say “folks” because women have bought into this bullshit, too)), but women aren’t evil succubi whose only goal is to knock boots with every guy they meet. Believing that is part of the “objectifying” thing I mentioned a little earlier. And, while looking isn’t a sin, I’ve got to think treating a human being as an object to be enjoyed is pretty much the definition of the word.
  • Okay, this one’s going to hurt a little, but there’s no easy way to say it: I don’t care what your mama told you, you are not such gorgeous hunk of man candy that every woman you meet finds you irresistible. Hard as it may be for your arrogant ass to believe, most women don’t think any more about you than is needed to get through an encounter. Basically, what I’m saying is get the fuck over yourself.

So, what’s the point of all this? Basically, it boils down to two things: 1) ladies, just say “fuck it” and wear whatever makes you comfortable, happy and feel good about yourself ’cause haters gonna hate. And, 2) fellows, man the hell up and quit making women take up your goddamn slack.