Faithful readers of The Progressive Redneck know that I’m great at starting new features or series, even if the features or series themselves aren’t all that good. They also know that I suck at following through on them. There are a couple of reasons for that; some of them were kind of shitty (Christian Dick of the Moment, for example), while others fell victim to my ADHD. But, my annual Thanksgiving post may be the lone exception. Amazingly, I have written one of these since I started blogging back in 2010. That means I was doing this way before it was cool (suck it, 30 Days of Thanksgiving!). Of course, the things I talk about in these posts aren’t what you usually hear when people start “giving thanks”, they’re stupid, ridiculous, trivial…, and real.
- ADHD _ Yes, I’m talking about Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. I know I’m supposed to think it’s a bad thing, but I don’t. Not even a little bit. And, really, why bother? It doesn’t help. And, while being so easily distracted can make life difficult (telling the power company you got distracted and forgot to pay your bill doesn’t even get you out of the reconnection fee, much less get your lights turned back on), it also means an antidote to your boredom is just one squirrel away. Plus, people with ADHD are more creative, funnier, and better looking. So, we’ve got that going for us, too.
- Science fiction television shows _ I’m referring to Dr. Who, Firefly, Fringe, The X-files and all the other shows that have carried the banner of good story-telling while the networks pretty much abandoned the practice for “reality” television.
- My mother _ While she’s been on every one of these lists I’ve done, this year things are a little different. Normally, I make some reference to the table-groaning spread she prepares for Thanksgiving. But, not this time because she won’t be cooking. Just a few days ago, she had a total knee replacement and standing in front of the stove for hours is contraindicated in that situation. But, the surgery went well and she’s coming home today.
- The K&W Cafeteria _ If you’re from a certain part of the country (North and South Carolina, Virginia and West Virginia, specifically) you understand this entry. If not, I’ll explain. The K&W is a regional chain of restaurants that serve up some of the best traditional southern cooking you’ll find outside of my mama’s kitchen. I’m including them on this year’s list because they also provide a take-out holiday “feast” for less than $60. What with taking care of our mom, my brother and I decided that was a more attractive option than cooking it ourselves. Having prepared a Thanksgiving meal in the past, I can honestly say I’d pay more a helluva lot more than 60 bucks to avoid cooking this year.
- Spring Garden Bakery _ I know this is starting to sound like a commercial for local business (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but these guys deserve a mention. Located next door to the shop who works on my car (Der Wagen Haus, the best VW specialists in Greensboro), the coffee is hot and the pastries are excellent. And, no, I don’t get any compensation for this from either place. But, if either business is listening, I wouldn’t turn up my nose at a discount.
- Greensboro, itself _ Most people have a soft spot for their hometown and I’m not an exception. Unlike Charlotte (which wants to be Atlanta so bad, it hurts) or Raleigh (a city that’d give its left nut to be Charlotte. Way to aim high, Raleigh), we’re okay with who we are: a smaller, more modest blue-collar town. And, working class burgs like Greensboro (and Durham, Winston-Salem, High Point, etc) have funky vibe those bigger cities have spent millions attempting to cultivate. Without a lot of success, in my opinion.
- Barber shops _ And, when I say “barber shop”, I’m talking about the old-time variety; the kind with actual barbers and there’s not a hair-dryer in sight. It’s possible that American manhood started going down the tubes when we gave up getting our hair cut at a traditional barber shop for getting our hair “styled” at a salon. Of course, it’s also possible that I’m full of shit. If you’re a betting person, you should probably go with the second option.
- Franklin Graham _ Along with Pat Robertson, Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz and anyone else saying stupid stuff in public. Sure, they’re colossal douche canoes who are clueless to their own privilege, but they have provided me tons of material. Some of it, I didn’t even have to embellish.
Once again, I’ve added to the avalanche of trivial shit on the internet. And, as I said last year, I should feel bad about that. But, I don’t. Not in the least. Happy Holidays, y’all.