Advent? What the F…

satire def

***Warning, this post contains satire. Read accordingly. ***

Recently, fellow traveler Diana Butler Bass wrote an article for that socialist rag, The Huffington Post titled Fox News’ War on Advent. I’ll be honest, I had to look it up because I’d never heard of this Advent crap. And, that’s exactly what it is: crap. According the dictionary, Advent is ” the period beginning four Sundays before Christmas and observed by some Christians as a season of prayer and fasting.” Well, hell, I was already doing that; except for the prayer and fasting part, screw that noise. As Butler Bass (being a good lefty, I’m sure she’d want me to use both names) explains, during Advent

“…churches are not merry. There is a muted sense of hope and expectation. Christians recollect God’s ancient promise to Israel for a kingdom where lion and lamb will lie down together. The ministers preach from stark biblical texts about the poor and oppressed being lifted up while the rich and powerful are cast down, about society being leveled and oppression ceasing. Christians remember the Hebrew prophets and long for a Jewish Messiah to be born. The Sunday readings extol social and economic justice, and sermons are preached about the cruelty of ancient Rome and political repression. Hymns anticipate world peace and universal harmony.”

“Muted sense of hope and expectation”? That, my friends, is not the American Way. The way we do things here in the Land of Free involves excess, conspicuous consumption and ignoring or belittling anyone who thinks differently. I mean, seriously, does this woman think we’ll give all that up based on a measly 1500 years of tradition? That “hope and expectation” junk might have flown back then, but not today; we’re too busy buying shit we don’t really need to worry about it. Besides, the American way of life is what all those poor bastards were longing for, so why bother hoping anymore?

Not for one second do I believe all this crap she’s spouting. I think this Advent thing is just another attempt to push Marxism on good, God-fearing Americans. Look at what she said in that paragraph I showed you a little earlier. She talks about social and economic justice and universal harmony, things that everyone knows are just code words for socialism. If that’s not enough, she even says “The ministers preach from stark biblical texts about the poor and oppressed being lifted up while the rich and powerful are cast down…” She’s advocating class warfare, people! Do you really think that’s biblical?

Look, we all know the rest of the world hates us for our freedom and would love nothing better than to see us humbled and brought low. It seems that Marxists like Butler Bass feel the same way. That’s why she’s advancing this leftist plot to take away our guns and our freedoms and turn us all into good little communist sheeple who won’t complain when Barry the Muslim institutes Sharia law. Not me, brother. I’m not going without a fight and, this year, I’m going buy a bunch of crap no one needs for people I don’t like, festoon my house with the gaudiest lights and decorations I can find, raise gluttony to new heights and generally run around like a chicken with my head cut off, so stressed I don’t enjoy one solitary moment of the season. Because that, beloved, is what being a Christian in this shining city on a hill is really all about. ‘Murica!