Dear Dr. Hawking,
Is it okay if I call you Steve? Doctor seems so formal and, let’s face it, you’re not a real doctor; you’re a PhD and that’s just not the same. Anyway, Steve, we have a problem. You see, I read an article on your latest book, “The Grand Design”, yesterday and I’m concerned. In this article, the author quoted you as saying “Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist” Oh, Stephen, what have you done? Not only are you doubting the Biblical story of Creation (and we all know the Bible trumps science every time), you’re doubting the very existence of God. You realize you can go to Hell for that, don’t you? I mean, that’s like a D-double-dog kind of sin, right there. You need to find you some Jesus, and find Him quick.
You know a lot of people listen to what you have to say and, in some circles, you’re considered pretty influential. If you go around saying things like the universe didn’t need God to be created, that spontaneous creation of something from nothing is possible, people are going to start believing you. Next thing you know, they might start thinking for themselves and then where will we be? Of course, your credibility did take a bit of a hit with whole “Don’t talk to aliens” thing, so maybe the impact of this new book won’t so bad. But, still, do you want the responsibility of all those souls hanging over your head?
I’m very unhappy with you, Steve. However, my friend Jason Boyette (hey, we follow each other on Twitter. That counts as friends these days) says that I can’t make rude remarks about your wheelchair or any of that stuff, nor can I hope for your imminent demise. It’s just not Christian, according to him. I’m not so sure, but he’s usually right about that sort of thing. I’ll cut you some slack…, this time. But, you’re on my list, buddy.
Steve, you’re a smart guy. Heck, you’re even a doctor (but, not a real one like I said earlier) and you’ve studied physics and all that scientific stuff since before I was born, so you must have learned something in all that time. You may even be right, maybe God isn’t necessary for the creation of things and the universe sprang into being out of nothing. But, I’m not sure I like that universe; it seems kind of cold and random. I suppose my atheist friends would call me silly for clinging to my belief in a Creator and Father, but it works for me. And, if I want people to let me do what works for me, I have to do the same in return. So, Steve, forget all that stuff I said earlier. Keep on studying, writing and enlightening us unwashed heathens. We need to be shaken up on occasion.
Your pal, Joel
While I’d like to say this is totally original creation, I can’t. I was inspired by John Acuff’s post on Stuff Christians Like about Christian open letters. Sorry, John, I didn’t follow your formula to the letter. Credit is also due Jason Boyette and Rachel Held Evans. On my Twitter feed, they each had tweets close together that sparked the idea. Jason’s said “Wow. So if Stephen Hawking (trending) says there’s no God, it’s OK for Christians to joke about his wheelchair and/or death? SO proud of us.” And, Rachel reminded me of John’s open letter piece. Thanks, all you guys. None of you have any idea how much of your stuff I steal.