Cliches are so Cliched

STFUEvery so often, I’ll hear someone utter a little ditty they believe is inspirational when, in reality, it’s anything but. Sometimes, these phrases just stupid. Other times they’re offensive. And sometimes they make people feel like crap. When I was researching this post (yes, I actually research the stuff I say here. Scary, isn’t it?), I found that there are tons of clichés, phrases and sayings that people just need to stop saying. Here are a few:

  • Everything happens for a reason. No, it doesn’t. Sometimes, shit just happens. Other times, it happens because someone did something stupid and/or fucked up. Often, that person is you, but not always. Either way, the idea that everything happens for a reason is pretty damn stupid and has no purchase in reality.
  • It’s all part of God’s plan. If this is true, then God is a real dick. Tell me if this scenario is familiar: Someone has suffered a heart-breaking loss, maybe that of a child or a spouse and, inevitably, someone will say “Well, it’s all part of God’s plan.” Seriously? Do people even think about the stupid shit that falls out of their mouths? Understand that when you say this, you’re telling someone that the one entity they thought they could turn for help is actually responsible for their pain. That’s pretty fucked up if you ask me.
  • The Lord never gives someone more than they can handle. I suppose this is supposed to be comforting, but it isn’t. Mostly because you’re saying that God makes bad things happen to people. And, what about the people who couldn’t handle what they got and sunk under the weight of it? Did God give them more than they could handle or does God make things happen to some people and not others? If this is all you’ve got, then keep your damn mouth shut.
  • When God closes a door, He opens a window. I’m not sure what this one is supposed to mean, but I like Nadia Bolz-Weber’s response: “It makes me want to ask where exactly that window is so I can push him the fuck out of it.”
  • There, but for the grace of God, go I.  Oh, this is nice. I mean, you’re only saying that if the poor soul you’re referring to had made the right choices (i.e. the choices you made), they wouldn’t be in this pickle. Or that providence has smiled upon on you and skipped over someone else. Why, that’s not douchey at all!

Like I said, these are five things that people need to quit saying. The thing is, if they paid attention to what they were saying, they probably wouldn’t say it. What about you? What old chestnuts would you like to see bite the dust?