“Christian” as an adjective

Rob Bell said in his book, Velvet Elvis, “Something can be labeled Christian and not be true or good” and “Christian’ makes a great noun and a poor adjective”.  I bring this up because there are more and more things bearing the label “Christian”.  Well, that and I have a Rob Bell fetish, but that’s another story (I blame you, Sean).  But, the “Christian trend isn’t new.  4 years ago, Marian Salzman said in Metro American “Americans have become so decidedly religious that religion is going to become a very serious problem between the US and the rest of the world. Americans are living in a country where CHRISTIAN RETAIL is a shopping option, CHRISTIAN FOOD is a snack food option – there’s a chain called “Chick-fil-a” – it’s Christian chicken.”  It’s gotten worse.  I did a search using the word “Christian” followed by words that aren’t always associated with the faith, starting with “Christian stuff” and ending with “Christian sex”.  The following is some of what I found.

  1. Christian t-shirts_ There are a lot of these around, and I’ve yet to see one that isn’t kind of lame.  Of course, there are common ones, like “Got Jesus” or the ones with lines from popular CCM songs.  But, I found some new ones in researching this post.  Try “Jesus in my wingman”, “Living heart donor- I gave mine to Jesus” and my personal favorite “When the world was young and restless-and we were all worried about the days of our lives-God said you all my children-let me be your guiding light-and I will take you to another world”. I like this one because it takes the Christian tactic of using pop-culture to seem relevant to a level like no other.  “Got Jesus” pales in comparison.
  2. Christian recipes _ What exactly makes a recipe “Christian”?  Is it the ingredients?  The method of cooking, what?  Who knows.  But, search for “Christian recipes and you’ll find things like “Joseph’s Edible Coat of Many Colors” (white bread cut into coat shapes, painted with yogurt), Jesus mangers (taco shells with shredded cheese as hay and a gummi bear for the baby Jesus) and Resurrection Rolls (marshmallows rolled in butter and cinnamon sugar, then wrapped in a crescent roll).  I was hoping for something like this and I was not disappointed. 
  3. Christian shopping _ How many times have you been told “Oh, I like that store, they’re Christians”?  I suppose the idea is that Christians won’t stick it to you like a non-Christian.  I don’t know how true that is, but I do know that some people have made a killing in retail while displaying some Christian symbols.  This has gotten so big, there’s even a Christian shopping channel.  And, it’s on a Christian television network called DoersTV.  Now, that’s embracing new media.
  4. Christian dating services _ This ones been around for a while.  It’s all about being “equally yoked“.   In fact, there’s even a site called Equally Yoked.  There’s also Christian Mingle, Christian Connection Matchmaker and Big Church Dating, just to name a few. 
  5. Christian car dealers _ This one came up when I started getting bolder in my searching.  I was trying to think of words that didn’t really go with the adjective Christian and this one popped into my head.  I was concerned about this, because I’ve run across more shady car dealers than any other profession.  Most entries were variations on the name Christian.  But there was one ad listing site, a Christian Craig’s List, if you will.  Which leads to my next item:
  6. Christian Craigslist _ Yes, Virginia, there is a Christian Craig’s List and it’s called Christian Fish List.  And, no, it’s not the one I mentioned in #5.  That was just cars, this everything you’ll find on Craig’s List and more.  Less, too, because there are no racy personals and hooker ads on it.  There are, however, listings for missions, community and churches.  I did this search as a lark and hit the jackpot
  7. Christian Sex site _ Yes, I said Christian sex site.  I know you’re all thinking “What the f…”; Hey! don’t drop that f-bomb!  This is a Christian site, after all.  The sex site is called Christian Nymphos and their mission, they say, “is to teach married women to walk in sexual freedom with their husbands, so they will be able to reach out and help free the women in their lives.”  All you non-believers need not act so surprised; Christians like to knock boots as much as anyone.  And, repressed as some of us are, this site provides a needed service.  Their motto is “Married Sex: Spicy, the way God intended it to be!”  And, believe me, brothers and sister, it is!  I gotta be honest, the name of this site made every bit of research instantly worthwhile.  That’s saying something, too.  I love writing, but researching can be like crawling over broken glass sometimes. 

 I know that I haven’t even scraped the surface on this one.  So, if you’ve got any good ones, please share.