Diddling For Demons?

graphic_contentToday, my friends, we’re going down the dark, creepy rabbit hole that is fundamentalist Christian sexual concepts. The one we’re looking at today involves demons; which should tell you just how fucked up things are in that realm. If reading something that makes you feel like you’ll never be clean again isn’t your bag, you may want to skip this one. Consider that last sentence your trigger warning/NSFW tag, because it’s the only one you’re getting. Okay, still here? Excellent, let’s get busy.

As I’ve said on more than one occasion, every now and then, the Internet gives you a gift. Yesterday, that gift came in the form of a Huffington Post article titled “Christian Author Mack Major Says Female Masturbation Is ‘Direct Path To Satan’“. I’ll pause for a minute to let you soak in all that delicious lunacy.

Okay, so a couple of days ago, it seems that “Christian author Mack Major” busted this nut:


That’s right, ladies; buttering your muffin is how the Devil gets in.

But, wait; it gets better! On the blog post this status linked to, he wrote, “Many of you who are reading this have sex toys in your possession right now. And whether you want to accept it as fact or not: those sex toys are an open portal between the demonic realm and your own life.” He said, “open portal”. Huh, huh, huh.

As much as I enjoyed the unintentional “open portal” pun, perhaps my favorite thing in the whole article is the idea that masturbation can summon a sex demon and if one of those things jumps on you, all you’ll want to do is rub one out. In fact, it “will drive you to masturbate, even when you don’t want to. You’ll be hit with urges to play with yourself so powerful that only an orgasm will allow you some temporary relief.” Damn, Major just described my life from the age of 12 till…, well, now actually. Guess I have a sex demon. Or, maybe I’m a normal human being with a healthy sex drive. Who knows?

Speaking of sex demons,  if you do a Google image search for that phrase, you’ll find some weird shit. You’ll also find pictures of Miley Cyrus. That seems a bit harsh, when I think about it. Don’t get me wrong, no one was calling her a sex demon, they were saying she was possessed by a sex demon. What, the only way a woman could possibly take control of her sexuality after spending years having it suppressed in order to sell a bunch of crap to little girls is if she’s possessed by demons? Okay, then.

But, the real problem is the double standard that’s at work here. And, I am not happy about that. Considering that most of my readers are fine, progressive people like myself, I’m sure you feel the same. I mean, it’s just not right when one group gets singled out this way while the other is ignored. Seriously, how is it in any way  fair that when women masturbate, they call up the devil but when men do some handiwork, all they get is hair in the palm of their hand and blindness? That’s not right and someone needs to do something about it. Not me, though. Something’s just come up and I need to go take care of it.