I Wanna Know Pt II

Back during the summer, I wrote a post titled I Wanna Know.  It was about strange verses or stories in the Bible that made me go “What the…,?!?”  In the comments section, someone suggested I missed some and listed a few.  So, I’m going back and picking those up and a few more.  Here’s your next installment of “I Wanna Know!”

  • Who was God protecting Cain from?  Now, if what I learned in Sunday School is correct, then Adam and Eve where the first people on earth.  They were followed fairly closely by their sons, Cain and Abel.  There’s no mention of anyone else around, right?  Well, in Genesis, after Cain kills his brother and God is telling him his punishment is to be a wanderer and a supremely unsuccessful farmer, Cain whines “I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.”  Who’s he worried about, isn’t it just him, his mom and his dad?  Things that make you go hmmm
  • In the book of 1 Kings, Elijah (who was constantly butting heads with King Ahab), gets fed up with all the crap he’s catching and challenges 450 prophets of Baal to a big ole God-off.  They’ll each take a bull, slaughter it, put on an altar and whichever god lights a fire under their bull wins.  When the priests of Baal are having obvious trouble getting their god to listen, Elijah starts talking smack; saying stuff like “Maybe he’s sleeping, yell louder and wake him up!”  Very witty, no doubt.  When they give up and God lights a fire under Elijah’s bull, he wins.  His first order as victor is to order the murder of every one of the prophets of Baal.  No exceptions, all 450 are put to the sword.  If he did that today, he’d be considered a mass murderer and with a book written about him.  Hey….
  • Man, there is some trippy stuff in the Bible.  Things like the last half of Daniel, the entire book of Revelation and Balaam’s talking donkey.  You have to wonder what they were smoking when they wrote it all down.  Except St.  John the Divine.  He was tripping on shrooms.  Why do I say that?  Besides the obvious, I mean.  Two things.  First, one of my favorite authors, Terry Pratchet once said “Oh, come on. Revelation was a mushroom dream that belonged in the Apocrypha.”  Then, the other day, I found out that magic mushrooms grow wild in the caves on the island of Patmos.  Where St. John was exiled and wrote Revelation.
  • The story of Elisha and the smart-alecky kids is another strange and wonderful tale.  One day, Elisha was walking along, minding his own business when a bunch of kids came along and started making fun of bald scalp.  Elisha curses and they run off.  As they do, some large bears come and maul 42 kids.  Okay, there’s nothing I’m wondering about here, I just wanted a reason to include this picture:

Okay, that’s it for now.  I’m tired and I’m working tonight, which means that a good night’s sleep is pretty much a pipe dream.  So, good night and I’ll see you next time.