It’s Thanksgiving and You Know What That Means

i_am_thankful_pumpkin_pieYes, it’s time for another installment of the obligatory “What I Am Thankful For” post. If you’re new here, don’t worry; it’s not one of those sappy pieces filled with heartfelt platitudes about family, health or financial well-being, no bs about wonderful friends or any kind of flowery fluff. It won’t be like that “28 days of Thanksgiving” thing that seems to have petered out well before Thanksgiving Day. No, this is a once-a-year treat for you, my friends and it’s filled with all the stupid, shallow, inane crap I’m thankful for this year. Let’s get started.

  • Retirement _ I’m coming up on one year of being a gentleman of leisure and, while I knew it would be nice, I had no idea how absolutely amazing it is to stay home and goof off while still getting paid. Believe me, that is something worth giving thanks for!
  • The internet _ I realize it’s been around for a while, but this internet thing is so freaking cool. It gives me a platform to spout all my ridiculous ideas, a way to socialize without actually coming into contact with people, allows me to shop while sitting around in my pajamas and watch movies with a few clicks of the mouse. If I could buy groceries online, I’d never leave the house. That’s not really a good thing…, is it?
  • Used book stores _ You all know I’m a book nerd and something book-related was bound show up here sooner or later. I mean, it has every other year and this one is no different. Recently, I made myself go down to the local, neighborhood Edward McKay where I got an armload of books for less than $25 bucks. Could I have gotten them from Amazon a lot cheaper? Maybe, but I wouldn’t have been able to start reading a new book that day. Score!
  • Sirius XM Radio _ So, last February, this woman wasn’t paying attention to where she was going and plowed into the back of my truck, totaling it. The new car (okay, new to me) had a free 90 day trial of Sirius XM, which is devious as hell. It’s also very smart marketing because once you have it for a week or two, you’ll think you can’t live without it. With satellite radio, I can listen to music not available on regular radio and there are no commercials or irritating DJ’s. That’s worth a lot more than $15 a month in my book.
  • My new car _ Like I just said, after a small fender-bender, I had to get a new vehicle. It wasn’t easy because I wanted something that was reliable, got good fuel mileage, had all-wheel drive and wasn’t lame. That’s not an easy-to-find combination, especially when fun to drive tops everything else. But, I found it all in a 2009 Volkswagen Tiguan. I’ve always heard people who drive German cars yammer on about the “driving experience”, thinking they were pretentious assholes. Then, I drove one and became a pretentious asshole myself because the driving experience in a German car is amazing! Plus, it’s not a Prius, which is a huge win in itself.
  • I’m going to depart from tradition for just a moment and talk about something I’m not thankful for: enneagrams and your Meyers-Briggs type. In some of the circles I inhabit, these things are all the rage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that you’ve found a tool to help you understand yourself. But, I’ve got to say I really don’t care if you’re an 8 or an INTJ, or any of that. Especially, since I have to look that shit up just to know what you’re talking about. I have a limited amount of memory, so when it comes down to remembering either superfluous stuff like this or essential Dr. Who trivia, guess what’s going to win?

Well, that’s it for this year. If you want to share something you’re thankful for, feel free. Just remember, keep it silly, shallow and trivial because the world has enough serious shit on its plate today.