Gaying Up Marriage

(Disclaimer: If you don’t have a sense of humor or the absurd, please be advised that the following is satire and in no way represents my actual view on the subject of this entry)

In November 2008, the state of California passed Proposition 8, a constitutional amendment stating that marriage was only between a man and a woman.  The voters raised their voice at the polls because the Godless, activist judges of the California Supreme Court had the temerity to fly in the face of God’s will and say that homosexual couples have as much right to get married as normal couples.  For two years, the abomination of gay marriage was held at bay in that sinful land.  That ended yesterday when another of those communist, God-hating, queer-loving judges ( a GAY  judge, no less) practically spit in the face of all God-fearing, freedom-loving Americans by overturning Proposition 8.  The reasoning behind this stinker of a decision?  “Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license” in the direct words of Judge Vaughn Walker.  No rational basis?  What about the Bible, Judge Walker?  What about the fact that decent, clean-living Christian Americans think that gay marriage is disgusting and an abomination in the eyes of God?  What about the fact that if we let gays get married it will destroy the institution of marriage as we know it.  Why, if we let a man marry another man, what’s next?  People marrying their pets and livestock the way the heathens in other countries do?  Not to mention the fact that if we legitimize their disgusting lifestyle, they’ll spread everywhere.  Even into our schools, where they might infect our children with their gayness.  I blame this on Obama and the Democrats.  When George W. Bush and the Republicans were in power this would never have happened.  Bush is a Godly man and would never have stood for such shenanigans.  But, he’s not around anymore, so what are we to do?  Here are a few ideas.

  • Eliminate the Judicial Branch.  I’m sick and tired of these federally appointed, socialist busybodies thwarting the will of the people.  Let’s just do away with the entire branch and then we won’t have that problem anymore.
  • Make it illegal for gays to serve in government.  We already keep gays out of the military because it’s a known fact they aren’t moral enough to go to war and kill and maim our enemies (or anyone else who gets in our way).  Let’s extend that to Congress, the courts and any other government agency; because, again, they’re nowhere near as moral as people like Claude Allen and Brian Doyle.
  • Exhange our current laws for Biblical law.  We’re so far from what our Christian (well, except for Jefferson, Franklin, Washington, etc) founding fathers meant for this country that the only way to bring us back is to amend our laws to fit with those of the Old Testament.  That way, we can convert the gays or execute them like the Muslims do.  Either way, we win.  And, if the liberals try to quote Paul about how we’re no longer under the law?  Well, doesn’t the Bible say to suffer not a false teacher?

I know these may sound a little extreme, but the country is in such a state that we need extreme measures.  If not, God will abandon us and allow us to be conquered and ruled just as he did Israel when they strayed from His ways.  It’s coming if we don’t repent!

At the beginning of this entry, I placed a disclaimer saying this is satire.  It is and I did my best to be over the top and absolutely ridiculous.  But, sadly, it’s probably not all that far from some of what will be written and said about this issue.  Why is that sad?  Because, some of my Christian brothers and sisters will staking our a position that I believe is diametrically opposed to the position Christ would take.  Whether you agree with the homosexual lifestyle or not, these people are children of God just like us.  As the Methodist Church says, they are “people of sacred worth” and as such, they deserve our love and respect.  To do anything else would not be Christlike.