Religious Freedom? Damn Straight

second class citizen In the past two weeks, several states have worked on passing legislation to allow good, God-fearing Christian folk to refuse service to the  gays, those dirty sinners. The fly in the  ointment for me has been that this great work is being accomplished by yankees and westerners (fyi, anyone outside the confines of the old Confederacy is a yankee). So, you can imagine how happy I was to find out Georgia is working on their own law, the Preservation of Religious Freedom Act. Ain’t that a peach? As if that wasn’t enough, that very same day I read that a Washington lobbyist is preparing legislation that would ban gays from joining the NFL. Thank you, Jesus; my cup runneth over.

Of course, the gays and their commie liberal allies are protesting these godly laws. They claim they’re discriminatory and violate the Constitution. But, do they really? I mean, sure these laws violate just about every anti-discrimination law on the books and harken back to the days of Jim Crow, but unconstitutional?  That’s just silly; everyone knows the Constitution was by old white guys for old white guys. The rest of you should be happy with whatever scraps we happen to throw your way.

These bills will also serve to protect our children from the scourge of homosexuality (ugh, I don’t like even saying that word). It’s like Jack Burkman (the lobbyist drawing up the NFL anti-gay bill) said “Imagine your son being forced to shower with a gay man. That’s a horrifying prospect for every mom in the country. What in the world has this nation come to?” Exactly, because there’s nothing sexier than a big, buff dude who’s worked up sweat in a manly fashi…, um, yeah, Let’s just move on.

The truth is these laws are beneficial to everyone, even the people they discriminate” against. Look at it this way: if we keep going the direction we’re going (which is to Hell…, in a handbasket), God will pull His most-favored nation status from us. And, then where will we be? I’ll tell you, right down with the rest of the mud people world. And, none of us want that.

Not only are these laws good for the country as a whole, they’re good for me individually. Seriously, how am I supposed to sleep at night with the haunting fear that someone, somewhere is having a good time. Besides, I’m not truly free to practice my religion unless I can somehow force it down your throat. It’s called “making disciples”, dumb ass. Look it up.

In the past, gays had the decency to stay in the closet and pretend to be something they weren’t, all so we could pretend they didn’t exist. Now, that’s out the window and these anti gay religious preservation laws are the first step in bringing this country back to God. And, by “back to God”, I mean with straight, white men on top. Where we belong.