Tell Me Again How You’re Saving Marriage?

The primary election this year is a novelty for North   Carolina. I don’t remember the last time one made a dime’s worth of difference on the state and national level. That’s changed with the inclusion of Amendment One this time around. For those of you who may be a little out of touch with the Tarheel State, Amendment One is our version of the “Keep your gay ass in the closet” bills designed to deprive the LGBT community of the rights we normal people enjoy; you know, things like getting married, caring for and visiting our spouses in the hospital, raising a family, nothing important. And, if that’s not bad enough, whoever wrote this legislative turd did a piss-poor job, because the language is so ambiguous it will hit straight couples, too. Oh, not good, God-fearing married couples, though. Just those heathens who openly live in sin and don’t have the common decency to allow the Church to bless their union. And, I wonder if that’s on purpose.

I have to tell you, I have a bit of split personality. One side of me is most definitely a glass half full kind of guy. The other side is a curmudgeon on a level with H. L. Mencken, the curmudgeon’s curmudgeon. My Pollyannish side wants to give our Republican brothers (as far as I can tell,only men were involved in writing this steamer. Doesn’t that make you ladies feel better?) the benefit of the doubt, that they didn’t mean put a constitutional amendment up for consideration that could strip legal protection from families, leaving victims of domestic abuse at the mercy of their abusers, remove some children’s health care and even take them away from the only parents they’ve ever known. My snarky, cynical side says “Yeah, right. Those assholes knew exactly what they were doing when they used such ambiguous language. They are lawyers, after all.” And, so I find myself on the horns of a dilemma; either our elected officials are so stupid they didn’t realize what a Pandora’s box they would be opening with the  vague wording of their bill or, they’re sanctimonious, self-righteous bastards who want to punish anyone who doesn’t believe (and behave) exactly as they do. What to do, what to do?

Unfortunately, both are totally viable options. I mean, how many times have we seen politicians step on their…, um, appendages and do some really stupid things (see John Edwards).  As for arrogance, remember Darrell Issa’s (R-CA) panel on contraceptives? You know, the one that dealt with an issue of immediate concern to women and had zero women on it? In fact, they wouldn’t even let women testify before the committee, leading to Rush Limbaugh’s most notable attack of oral diarrhea. In the end, I suppose it doesn’t matter why they did what they did, only that they did it. Which, in reality, is a stroke of luck for those of us opposed to Amendment One. Pointing out how bad this pile of shit is to all North Carolinians is making a difference. Before we started talking about this, passage was all but guaranteed. Now, the gap is closing. We can only hope it will close by May 8th. In the meantime, I just wish someone in favor of this late-term abortion of the  legal system would explain to me how you’re protecting marriage by keeping other people from getting married.