You know the one. I’m talking about that guy that’s the “super” Christian, the one who knows more than everyone else and does a poor job concealing it. And, of course, he’s always right and you’re always wrong and there’s not a damn thing that will change that fact. He’s the one who makes you think he eats, sleeps and breathes Jesus 24-7. He’ll Jesus juke you in a heartbeat and not think twice about it. If you called him on it, he’d say he only does these things out of love and because he cares so much about you (which is actually an underhanded Jesus juke). And, all too often, I’m that guy. And, I don’t like it.
If you were to ask me if I felt or thought any of things listed above, I’d say “Who me? Man, I’m not smart enough to do any of that stuff” I use self-deprecation as a shield to hide the real me. You see, sometimes, I’m almost the nice guy I pretend to be and the not the flaming ass that lurks just below the surface. But, I have a snarky, smart-alecky sense of humor that all to easily can become mean-spirited and petty. Don’t believe me? Here’s an example:
Way too many times, I’ve said if I ever found this for real, I was buying it. And, I planned to wear around people who I felt needed to hear the message on this button. Then, it dawned on me that this message made me sound like a dick. And, if I sounded like a dick, what did that say about the God I supposedly followed and represented? I did not like the feeling that revelation brought on.
It seems the harder I try not be “that guy”, the more I end up being him. When I heard about the Arizona shootings, I couldn’t wait to blame it on Sarah Palin, Judson Phillips and all their Tea Party cronies. Then, I had a conversation with my friend Andrew. Andrew’s a student at Duke Divinity School and he’s pretty smart fellow. When I asked if he heard about the shootings, he said no, he’d been studying all weekend. I gave him quick rundown and he said he’d google it during Sunday School. When we talked later, I mentioned something about Loughner’s politics and Andrew said, “He didn’t have any politics, he’s disturbed.” Like I said, Andrew’s a pretty sharp guy and I usually listen to him. I didn’t want to, though. I really wanted to lay this at the feet of the Tea Party and the Right. Then, it dawned on me that I was “that guy” once again. What a sucky feeling.
Everyone always tells you to pray about stuff like things like this, stopping wrong behavior. And, I think that’s good…, as far as it goes. The thing is, for there to be a real change, I have to take some responsibility and stop being a dick. Problem is, I kind of like being a dick. It’s easy, it’s comfortable, it’s what I know. But, Jesus calls me to love everyone. And, I can’t do that and be a dick at the same time. Damn.