Well, it’s Thanksgiving and you know what that means: it’s time for one of the few lasting traditions here at The Progressive Redneck: “The Obligatory “What I’m Thankful For” Post, a collection of the more trivial things that I happen to be thankful for each year. Normally, I write this the day before Thanksgiving but, this year, I was sitting in a radiologists’ waiting room to get my quarterly CT scancheck up after two bouts with colon cancer and there was just too damn much activity to get any writing done. So, here we are.
Before we get started, I’d like to take a minute to explain something: Anyone who follows me on Facebook knows that I did not succumb to the daily thankfulness craze that a few people are still maintaining. Two reasons for that: 1) I am not one to follow trends. In fact, if something is a trend, I obstinately refuse to do it. 2) If I posted all the things I’m thankful for on a daily basis, what would I say in this post? You see, dear reader, it’s just one more sacrifice I make for you. You’re welcome. But, that’s enough bullshit, let’s get on started with this year’s list.
- I suppose first and foremost, I am thankful not to be doing any chemotherapy this year. Chemo sucks at any time, but on a holiday whose main event is eating? It really sucks the big one, then.
- Next up, I’d say I’m thankful for my new house. To put an even finer point on it, I’m thankful that for my new kitchen. That’s because I love to cook and the kitchen in my old place wasn’t much bigger than a postage stamp. To make matters worse, a significant portion of the available space was taken up by the washer and dryer. Now, I have room to stretch out and create. That makes me happy.
- With the weather we’ve been having lately, I’m very thankful to be retired. For 23 years, I was a firefighter and spent a lot of time out in the weather because, naturally, bad stuff usually happens at the worst possible time. While being outside on a rainy night with temps hovering just above freezing is the very definition of suckiness, those times did make the obligatory hot beverage taste great. And, if it was accompanied by a lovely nosh provided by grateful neighbors, it was even better. I have the suspicion I’m being a bit too vague, so let me be blunt: Show your lovin’ with something from the oven. Public safety peeps love to eat.
- I am also thankful for Jon Stewart and The Daily Show because where else could a confirmed snarkileptic like me get their news in such a fitting format. While I’m at it, I’m also thankful for The Colbert Report for providing such an excellent model of how to do satire. I think I want to be Stephen Colbert when I grow up.
- I am thankful that mother is such a good cook she make turkey, quite possibly the most bland, flavorless meat on the planet, taste good. No, not just good, amazingly good.
- I’m thankful that I’m sitting at home and not out participating in the madness that is Black Friday. Don’t get me wrong, I love stuff; I think it’s great. But, I hate getting stuff (i.e. shopping) more. And, I really hate crowds, so Black Friday is like the worst day of the year as far as I’m concerned. Unfortunately, I do have to go to the grocery store a little later and it’s next door to a Target. That’s not going to be fun. It could be worse, I suppose. At least there isn’t a Wal-Mart anywhere in the vicinity.
And, that’s it: yet another list of trivial crap added to the internet. I guess I should feel bad about that. But, I don’t. Not in the least. Happy Holidays, y’all.
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