Category Archives: homelessness

Christians for Trump 2016!

 

Christians for TrumpI don’t know about anyone else, but I have been so underwhelmed by the choices in the upcoming presidential election. Until recently, I floundered around, looking for the true, evangelical Christian candidate, all to no avail. Ben Carson was looking good for a while, but then I realized he’s a Seventh-Day Adventist, and I just can’t hang with a such weird, semi-magical faith. Jeb Bush is a Catholic and, as we all know, the Pope is the Anti-Christ. So, he’s out. I had all but settled on Ted Cruz as the one, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I thought all was lost until, just a few days ago, the clouds parted, the trumpets sounded and the answer I was looking for was revealed.

You see, that’s when Jerry Falwell, Jr, president of Liberty University and son of Rev. Jerry Falwell, endorsed Donald J. Trump for President of the United States, calling Trump “a successful executive and entrepreneur, a wonderful father and a man who I believe can lead our country to greatness again.” Yes! Coming on the heels of Sister Sarah Palin’s declaration of support , it is clear that God wants Donald Trump to lead this country back to greatness.

We’ve had hints that Brother JJ might come out for the Donald. Since Trump, aka “the last great hope for this hell hole of a country”, stepped onto the pages of history by declaring his intent to run for president, Falwell has put some time into building a rapport with the man. In recent weeks, he has compared Trump to Falwell, Sr and stated, “In my opinion, Donald Trump lives a life of loving and helping others as Jesus taught in the Great Commandment.”

And, the country is ready for this, beloved. As this sign at an Alabama rally for Trump back in August shows:

trump4

Of course, some wag is going to point to the Donald’s less-than-stellar knowledgee of the Bible or the fact that he can’t remember ever asking God’s forgiveness, questioning his evangelical bonfides. But, honestly, none of that really matters. What does matter? That Trump is the only person who can save us from the dreadful mismanagement that has characterized the Obama administration. I mean, seriously, how much more employment, peace and economic prosperity can this country take?

Mr. Trump is also the strong man we need to lead us against the forces that threaten to destroy the very fabric of our nation. Who else but Trump can go toe-to-toe with ISIS, Vladimir Putin and China? Sure, he backed out of the debate last night rather than face Megyn Kelly. But, after the way she went after him last time, who could blame him? Intelligent women who won’t put up with your crap are scary.

Does it matter that he’s greedy, privileged, willing to use all the resources at his disposal to stroke his own ego while others suffer (often on account of what he’s said), and cares nothing for the consequences of his words and actions so long as they don’t affect him personally? Of course not! All good Christians should aspire to be like Mr. Trump; rich as Croesus and unashamedly politically incorrect. Because, really, isn’t that what the Gospel is all about?

The Battle Of The Cup

Red cup returns ! #starbucks #holiday #ueno

Apparently, this is what a “war on Christmas” looks like.

I had originally planned to start this piece by telling you that the conservative’s “War on Christmas” has started early this year, thanks to Starbucks’ new minimalist holiday cup design. Unless you live under a rock, however, you already know that because “The Battle Of The Cup” is all but inescapable. If, however, you don’t know what I’m talking about, here it is in a nutshell: the 2015 Starbucks holiday cup is red and unadorned with any Christmas-ey decorations. For some reason, that has sent conservative Christians into a frenzy and declare that Starbucks did so “because they hate Jesus.” I don’t know who started this shit, but Starbucks needs to track them down and thank them because you just can’t buy this kind of publicity.

This brouhaha started over the weekend and, by now, it has been written/discussed/dissected by people much smarter than I and all the decent, intelligent comments about this situation have already been made  so there’s no point in my going there. But, that’s okay because it allows me to play to my strengths: ridicule and sarcasm. And, I have to say, if ever a situation called for ridicule and sarcasm, it’s this one.

Think about it for a minute: Some Christians, members of the dominant culture in this country (78.4% of Americans identify as Christian, a decline from previous studies), are upset because a business decides not to cater to their whim and declare that it’s part of some liberal, PC “War on Christmas”. I swear, some days, this shit writes itself.

Now, most of this freak out is part of the the aforementioned “War on Christmas”, which is really a fabrication perpetrated by a certain television news network to keep conservatives whipped up about bullshit so they don’t realize how badly they’ve been used by the Republican Party. But, that whole “decline in the number of people who identify as Christian” plays a role, too. If only because, without it, said news network wouldn’t have any fear to play on and what would they do then?

Seriously though, have things gotten so bad for Christians that we can no longer afford to share the month of December with folks who believe a little differently? I mean, we’ve only been sharing this month for, well, as long as there’s been this thing called Christmas. In the next month and a half, there are at least 8 non-Christian holidays being celebrated. Granted, the majority of them are either Muslim or Pagan, which don’t really count as far as the folks who have their knickers in a twist over all this are concerned. But, at least one of those holidays is Jewish and I thought we liked Jews. Or, do we only like Jews when we’re separated by an ocean?

But, all the reasons aside, I really don’t get what all the shouting’s about. I mean, it’s not like previous Starbucks holiday cups were an integral part of “putting the Christ back in Christmas”. In years past, the cups have featured snowmen, snowflakes, Christmas ornaments, and other secular symbols of the season. No nativity scenes, no stars, no Madonna’s (Jesus’ mom, not the singer). So, what’s the big deal about a plain red cup? Wasn’t it just a few years ago that most of these people were singing some piece of crap song about red cups? Maybe if they’d put a little of the stuff from their red solo cup into the Starbucks cup, they wouldn’t be so pissed off.

Look, there are plenty of things in this country that are a war on the very spirit of Christmas: violence, poverty, hunger, racism, homelessness, etc. Why is it that those things are bearable, but a fucking paper cup that doesn’t have Christmas crap plastered all over it means secular forces have declared war on the season? A more cynical person would probably say it’s because getting mad at Starbucks doesn’t require people to do actually do anything other than be outraged, while addressing those other things might mean giving up some of our stuff or interacting with “those people”. But, I’m not saying that. I’m not saying that at all.

An Open Letter To Parents Of Transgender Kids

openletter

Dear Conservative Christian Parents of kids who are transgender;

You probably don’t know me, but I know you. I’ve been where you are and I know what you’re going through, right now. Well, not exactly; while I have been a Christian most of my life, I’ve never really been a conservative one. But, I am the father of a transgender child. I say that so you’ll know I’m not some expert sitting in my ivory tower, telling you how to parent or live your faith; I’m a down-in-the-trenches dad who’s going through the same stuff you are.

You see, I know it’s hard to be the parent of someone whose identity doesn’t match their assigned sex. Heck, it’s hard enough to be a parent when everything goes “right”; throw in a hitch like this “trans” thing and it’s even gets really hard. And, a lot of the messages coming from certain pulpits just add to that difficulty. They aren’t good and most of them aren’t biblical. At best, they have a nodding acquaintance with scripture, but are twisted and taken out of context to further an agenda that is harmful to your child. Let me break a few of them down for you.

  • “God doesn’t make mistakes”
    True, God doesn’t make mistakes. Your child is a beautiful gift from God and was born they way they were for a reason. I don’t know what that reason might be, but it’s out there and it’s up to all of us to work together and find it.
  • “Why would a loving God create someone who would have endure the persecution that trans people deal with?” 
    Okay, this one isn’t one I’ve seen a lot, but it is a question that I spent a lot of time wrestling with. And, here’s what I came up with: God isn’t the problem here, we are. The last commandment Jesus gave his followers was to love one another and the way we treat people who are trans falls so far short of that, it’s pathetic. Last year, 21 people who are transgender have been murdered and as much 40% of the homeless youth population is either gay or trans. Statistics like these make me want to cry. I hope they do the same to you.
  • “It’s okay to reject your kids”
    Not only is it “okay” to reject your kids, in some circles, it’s required. This is one of those ideas that isn’t biblical. 1 Timothy 5:8 says “But if someone doesn’t provide for their own family, and especially for a member of their household, they have denied the faith. They are worse than those who have no faith.” Understand this isn’t just about kicking your kid out because you feel that they’ve rejected God by their lifestyle choice; “providing” for your family goes beyond the mere physical (housing, food, etc.), it includes the love and support that only a parent can supply.
  • “The Bible is clear about transgenderism: it’s a sin.”
    Actually, the Bible is anything but clear on this subject because it doesn’t really talk about it. There are a few passages in the Old Testament that can be twisted, cherry-picked or tortured into sounding like they do, but when you look at them in context, it all falls apart. Jesus never mentioned anything about it and, while Paul gets trotted out when this comes up…, well, Paul’s a little problematic on the issue. The ending of Romans 1 (a common passage when any LGBT issues are discussed) isn’t about trans people, he’s talking about what, today, we would call pedophiles. 1 Corinthians 6:9 is another bit of text that is often used to condemn people who are trans. But, here’s the thing: the word that’s responsible for all that, malakoi, is a slang term and no one really knows what Paul meant by it. The best scholars have come up with is “soft men”. What the heck is a “soft man”? When I asked my pastor that question, he said “Me, after visiting Donut World” (FYI, Donut World is the most awesome donut shop in the world and is located in Greensboro, NC). Like I said, the Bible is anything but clear on this.

Now, let’s talk about a few realities parenting a transgender child.

  • Being a parent to a transgender child can be scary.
    As I said in an earlier point, people who are transgender are much more susceptible to violence than people who are cisgender (i.e. what most folks consider “normal”). They are also more likely to suffer discrimination. I know these are frightening things for a parent to contemplate. But, they are real and you need to know about them in order to help your child survive to become the person God create them to be.
  • “One way or another, you’re going to lose your child unless you learn to accept them for who they are.”
    This one comes from a counselor I spoke to recently and it’s right on the money. What it means is that, if you don’t accept the fact that your child’s identity and their biologically assigned sex don’t match up, one of two things is going to happen: 1) they will walk out of your life and have little or nothing to do with you or 2) the strain of being forced to deny their true selves will drive them to suicide or other self-destructive behaviors. I know that’s harsh, but it’s true and you need to hear it.
  • Your reluctance is to accept your child’s identity is selfish.
    Think about it for a minute: if you gave birth to a girl who later realizes that (s)he is actually a boy, what damage does it do to you to accept that and love them for who they are? On the other hand, denying their identity can cause terrible damage (see previous point). Which option should a good parent choose?

I’ll end this with a personal story. A couple of years ago, my son came  out as transgender and began to transition in the past year. Prior to that, he suffered from anxiety and depression so crippling that, many days, he couldn’t function. Counseling and medication helped a little, but I worried that he would be confined to some terrible half life and never reach his full potential. In the months since he began transition, he is a new person. He has job, he’s working on getting his driver’s license and the counseling and meds for his other conditions are finally having the desired effect. I credit this to having the weight of living a false life lifted off his shoulders. If that’s a sin, I’ll take a boatload.

 

If You Don’t Work, You Don’t Eat

 

Wisdom of the great St. Ronald of Simi Valley coupled with a little hard truth.
Wisdom of the great St. Ronald of Simi Valley coupled with a little hard truth.

The other day, I found this site called The Onion and it is great. I mean, yeah, that’s a weird name and all, but they have some killer articles on there. Like the one about the woman who’s an expert on what poor people should have in their shopping carts (now, that’s a needed service) But, the one I really like reports on a new program that will require welfare moochers receiptients to submit vials of sweat periodically to prove the lazy bastards beneficiaries are working.

Amazingly, some heretics progressive Christians think these leeches moochers takers deserve our help compassion money. Thank God for good Christian leaders like Pastor John Hagee of Cornerstone Church in San Antonio. Pastor Hagee spoke about this in a recent sermon, saying:

“To those of you who are sick, to those of you who are elderly, to those of you who are disabled, we gladly support you. To the healthy who can work but won’t work, get your nasty self off the couch and go get a job!”

You tell ’em, Pastor John!

Now, before you get your panties in a wad, let me point out that Hagee’s rant admonition is biblical. In 2 Thessalonians, Paul says

For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.”

Now, some of you blasphemers apostates progressives might try to say that Paul’s authorship of 2 Thessalonians is in doubt, or that the people referred to in this passage weren’t like today’s deadbeats sponges parasites loafers welfare queens recipients of public assistance or you might even resort to the low blow of quoting the Gospel twisting scripture to say Jesus commanded that we support our brothers and sisters who are in need lazy freeloaders. I mean, sure, He said we should feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, care for the sick, etc. But, I refuse to believe He meant those people.

Remember, “God helps those who help themselves” (I’m sure that’s in the Bible somewhere even though I can’t find it right now) and the biblical truth that if you don’t work, you don’t eat is one of the founding tenets of this great country Christian nation. And, as television host Stephen Colbert once said,

“If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we’ve got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don’t want to do it.”

I really don’t like turning to a papist romanist mackerel-snapper Catholic for advice; not to mention the fact that this is a little offensive because it forces me to acknowledge how I’m cherry-picking scripture to assuage my guilt over being greedy and callous about the suffering of others. But, damn darn it, he seems to be the only one speaking up about this situation. And, he’s got a point. If we’re going to keep dumping on praticing tough love with the poors less fortunate, we need a more coherent plan than the one we’ve got. The heathens libtards progressives are eating us alive won’t shut up these days.

You Just Don’t Get It

Church no loitering signNow and then, I hear about churches that just don’t seem to get it. Like the one in the picture shown here, or the church in Raleigh who found homeless people sleeping on their property at night and had them arrested for trespassing, they completely miss what the church is supposed to be about. Once, and I’m not making this up, I spoke to the chair of the mission committee at a church I used to attend about starting a ministry for people who lived outside in our neck of the woods. He looked at me in all earnestness and said “We would love to do that, but we can’t find any homeless people around here.” Meanwhile, the head of mission for that particular district (who attended that very church) could have told him there were a couple of homeless communities within a mile of where we were standing (we were in the sanctuary). It was a facepalm moment if ever there was one.

Whenever I encounter this kind of thinking, I am reminded of a story about a man trapped on his roof by rising flood waters. As the waters rose, he prayed fervently “Oh God, please help me! Please save me from this terrible flood”. When the water was up to his knees, a man in a canoe came up and offered to take him to safety. “Can’t you see I’m praying?” the man snapped. “Go away!” He kept on beseeching God for divine intervention and, after a while the water up to his waist. About that time, some fireman came along in a boat. “Get in” they said, “We’ve come to rescue you”. “I don’t need you” the man yelled, “God is going to save me!” So, the boat left and the man kept on praying. About the time he noticed the water was up to his neck, a helicopter came by. A rescue worker hung out the side and called “Take my hand. If you stay here, you’ll drown!” The man shook his head and answered “I don’t need you. God will save me!” The helicopter left and in less than an hour, the water rose even higher and the man drowned. When he got to heaven, he was pissed. He stormed up to God and said, “I begged and begged you to save me, but you let me drown. Why didn’t you save me?” God cocked an eyebrow at him said “I sent two boats and helicopter. What more did you want?”

There are entirely too many of God’s children who don’t have decent shelter, who need food, drink, hospitality and God knows what else. And, one day, we will be called to account for that. On that day, I imagine more than a few folks will say “What do mean? We never saw anyone like that.” And, God will respond “I put them on your doorstep. What more did you want?”

Relationships

RelationshipThe folks at Love Wins say homelessness isn’t really a lack of housing, it’s a lack of relationships. A lot of people who are homeless, hungry, poor, etc., don’t have relationships with others who can make sure they’re not outdoors, have enough to eat, are sufficiently clothed and any of the other necessities that life requires. For example, there have been times when I couldn’t make the rent, keep the lights or water on, didn’t have money for groceries, etc. But, my friends and family stepped in to make sure I didn’t get evicted, go hungry or suffer any of the other disasters that could have befallen me.Because of that, this “lack of relationships” thing has always seemed a little foriegn to me. But, the story of Pia Farrenkopf? That’s different.

Pia Farrenkopf was a 49 year-old woman from Pontiac, Michigan who died in 2009. Sadly, that’s not really news; it happens every day. What makes this story different is that no one missed her until a few weeks ago. Yeah, you read that right, she was dead for 5 years and no one missed her. How could such a thing happen? Well, Farrenkopf’s job required a good deal of travel and her neighbors were used to extended absences; that job had ended a few months earlier, so no one at work missed her; what family she had lived on the East Coast and she had lost touch with them and, her mortgage and utilities were paid by bank draft out of an account that had a pretty good chunk of change in it ($54,000). It was that money running out that allowed her to be found; the bank foreclosed on the mortgage and a contractor checking things out found her in the backseat of her car, sitting in the garage.

How does one make so little impact on the world around them that no one notices they’re gone for 5 years? Simply put, a lack of relationships. If Farrenkopf had just one person she talked to on any kind of regular basis, things would’ve turned out differently. But, she didn’t and died alone and unnoticed.

You may be thinking “This is incredibly sad, but it’s nothing like being homeless or hungry”. And, maybe it’s not. But, the loneliness this woman must have felt is heart-breaking. It’s the same loneliness that people who are homeless, on the margins and fallen through the cracks, deal with on a daily basis. And, it may be the most dehumanizing part of the whole situation.

I tell you this story because, while it is a bit extreme, I could see it happening to me. Oh, not the part about no one noticing me being gone for 5 years, that’s a bit much. But, I’m pretty introverted and I like my solitude. If it wasn’t for Olivia (my daughter, who still lives with me), I could go several days without seeing anyone. With just a few small changes to my life, I could end up like Farrenkopf. That realization also highlights the fact that, with just few different changes, I could end up without enough to eat, a place to lay my head or the agency to deal with those problems. When I see it in that light, it’s not so foreign after all.

Food and Poverty

produceLast night, my brother, who is a fresh food Nazi hippy advocate posted a Slate article titled Food Deserts Aren’t the Problem which made the (not so) startling declaration that access to better food didn’t necessarily translate to improved health for people experiencing poverty. He expressed incredulity at that, saying:

“Having access to fresh food doesn’t make people healthier? I find that hard to believe.” (He said more, but we’ll get to that later)

He is right; real food is better for you. Even if it didn’t lengthen your life span (it does), it will make the years you have better ones. Of course, that’s if you actually eat it. The problem here is as much the lifestyle forced upon people who live in poverty as it is one of access  . When just about every waking moment trying to keep your head above water,  you just want to get the calories you need to survive. Where those calories come from is a luxury; one you may not the time to worry about.

This issue is exacerbated by Congress’ insistence on reducing SNAP benefits, which  they’ve just done (again) in the new farm bill. Cutting food aid makes it harder for people to buy & eat the food that will keep them healthy. Sure, SNAP has it’s issues, but cutting it just puts more of a strain on the Medicaid & Medicare budgets. Because, as Jeff (my brother) said “…processed food just ain’t real food. And real food is what makes us healthier.”

The Healthy Food Financing Initiative was meant to be a solution to the health issues many people dealing with poverty experience. And, it’s a good one…, as far as it goes. Because access to fresh food is all well and good, but if people don’t have the time, energy  or equipment to prepare that food, all the access in the world doesn’t mean shit.

If you want to see a significant improvement in the health of people in low-income areas, you need to do more than provide access to better quality food. There should  be educational efforts to help people understand why they should eat this fresh food as opposed to what they’re eating now; initiatives to get people off the street and into decent housing with place to prepare that fresh food and  a raise in the minimum wage so they don’t have to work insane hours to get by. That way, they can afford better food and have the time and energy to fix it.

But, the most important thing you could do is go to these neighborhoods and engage the people you say you want to help. I say that’s most important because help that doesn’t address the actual issues isn’t really help at all and the best way to find out what the issues are is to talk to the people experiencing them. Because, if you want to make a real difference in someone’s life, you do things with them, not to them.

Snow Day

Yesterday, my part of the country had its first significant snowfall in a couple of years;  which,  according to Eric Chilton on WFMY-TV, was 1.5 inches. I realize that’s a light dusting for some of you, but keep in mind the term “significant” is relative; in places that get don’t much snow (like the South), pretty much anything over an inch is significant. I thought it was too damn much because, unlike some of you freaks  up north, I’m not a big fan of snow.

Oh, I loved it when I was a kid; sledding, snowmen and snowball fights are loads of fun. As an adult, however, that love faded. As many of you know, I was a firefighter for 23 years and firefighters don’t get to take a day off because the weather sucks or the roads are less than optimal. In fact, when conditions are bad, that’s when they’re needed most. Snowy days are always busy around the firehouse, what with wrecks, sick calls and fires. I’m sure you can understand why my ardor for a winter wonderland was somewhat dampened as a result. I really thought that would change when I retired. It didn’t. If anything, it got worse.

You wouldn’t think that’d the case, would you? Like a lot of folks, I love looking out the window when it snows, it’s beautiful. I love the silence that comes with a good snowfall; that can be a nice treat when you live in town. I’ve got a full pantry and refrigerator, so I don’t have to fight the crowds at the grocery store. And, later today, when I head down to Fuquay for a couple of days with Diana, I’ll do so in a very comfortable automobile. With all-wheel-drive, no less. Removing the having-to-be-at-work component should make a snow day an easy, relaxing time, even if it is forced on me by Nature. So, why isn’t it?

Back in the late summer, I started volunteering at Love Wins Ministries, a community of people dealing with homelessness, poverty, etc. in downtown Raleigh. I’ve made a few friends there and, for quite a few of them, a snow day isn’t a fun day. When you live outdoors, you have to deal with an environment that’s…, not exactly friendly. And, that’s on a good day. On a day like today, when the high temperature won’t get above freezing, the wind chill is in single digits and everything is wet due to the snow, it’s like that environment is actively trying to kill you. The knowledge that people I care about are stuck in this crap means it’s not really a fun day for me either.

I’m not trying to be a downer and crap all over your good time, I just want to you understand that folks like you and I are extremely lucky and don’t have to deal with the crap some people do. So, remember my friends who haven’t been as fortunate and don’t have the advantages you and I do. Because, and make no mistake about this, people will die on account of this weather. That’s bad enough on its own, please don’t make it worse by ignoring them or their reality.

Holly Was a Hoodrat

Photo from cover of Separation Sunday by The Hold Steady
Photo from cover of Separation Sunday by The Hold Steady

Right now, one of my favorite songs is How a Resurrection Really Feels from The Hold Steady’s amazing Separation Sunday album. Today’s title is the first line of that song’s chorus and it was that line that caught my attention. I know a couple of Holly’s and they are so not hood rats. It was the rest of the song, however, that pulled me in. It’s the story of a girl named Hallelujah (but, “the kids, they called her Holly”) who has led a hard life and is finally coming out of the darkness. She stumbles into church during Easter Mass looking a bit worse for the wear (“with her hair done up in broken glass”) and asks “Father, can I tell your congregation how a resurrection really feels?”

I love that imagery. I can see the priest looking around nervously, unsure what to do; I can feel the confusion of the congregation at what’s going on. And, I can hear the deacon losing his cool because she has interrupted the service. In my mind, Holly ignores all this and tells her story without pulling any punches. When she’s done, the congregation rises and embraces her, making her a part of their family. Of course, I realize the odds of that actually happening aren’t very good, but what can I say? I’m a romantic at heart.

After listening to the song a couple of times, I began to wonder what would a resurrection feel like? What would it look like? Of course, Christians generally relate resurrection to death; you know, that whole “resurrection of the saints thing. But, after I thought about it for a while, I decided that I agree with Craig Finn (The Hold Steady’s front man), a resurrection doesn’t require a physical death; a spiritual or emotional one will do just fine.

I’ve been pulled out of some rather dark holes over the years, but I’m not sure if my experience would qualify as a resurrection. That makes the question of what a resurrection feels like even more interesting to me. Don’t get me wrong,I count myself lucky that I don’t know the answer. And, I know just how lucky because I see people every day who aren’t as fortunate.

I am lucky in part because of an accident of birth. I was born a white man in a time and place that heavily favors white men. Add to that the fact that I am a member a middle class family that strongly believes in taking care of others and you begin to see what I mean by lucky. Because of these things, I have a built-in community with the means to ensure that I don’t know how a resurrection really feels.

There is a part of me that really wants to know what a resurrection feels like. But, I don’t want to know bad enough to give up my privileged existence and find out. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.

Sacrilege!

***Warning, this post contains satire. Read accordingly. ***

Jesus the HomelessThis weekend, I read an article that surprised me…, at first. It seems that Timothy Schmalz, an artist in Ontario, Canada, created a statue of Jesus that was rejected by most of the churches he offered it to. Wait a minute, a statue of Jesus that was rejected by multiple churches? How can that be? Easy, the Jesus Schmalz chose to depict is sleeping on a park bench wrapped in a  blanket like a homeless person. Well, no wonder they turned it down. What good bible-believing church wouldn’t? It has, however, finally found a home: The Vatican. Yes, you read that right. Pope Francis, that hippie/commie, loves this thing and plopped it down right in the middle of St. Peter’s Square.

Before you get your knickers in a twist over that “hippie/commie” remark, let me point out that, while “hippie” might be a trifle over the top, we know he’s a communist because St. Rush said he was. On his radio show, the venerated prophet was talking about Francis’ “Evangelii Gaudium,” (which is an “apostolic exhortation” sent to the Roman Catholic Church) when he said “This is just pure Marxism coming out of the mouth of the pope.” Oh sure, he didn’t actually call the Pope is a communist and later insinuated that the letter probably didn’t come from the Pope himself by saying “Somebody has either written this for him or gotten to him”, but I think we can read between the lines. Besides, the real Jesus would never condone Marxist garbage like this.

When I say “the real Jesus”, I’m not talking about that namby-pamby wuss the liberals are always yapping about. No, I’m talking about the fire-breathing, gun-toting, ‘Murika-loving Jesus that hates fags and foreigners, loves money and lets you know you’re poor because you’re lazy, not on account of some made-up oppression. That Jesus agrees with Rush, that the Pope’s a damn commie. You can be sure He hates that freakin’ statue, too.

The temerity of this Schmalz dude, making a sculpture that portrays our blessed Lord as anything less than an all-conquering King riding in on a white stallion and laying waste to all who dare to oppose him. I mean, really, if you went by this, you’d think that Jesus walked around in a robe and sandals (hippies wear sandals, you know), saying crap like “love your enemy” and “turn the other cheek” and feeding poor people. Who the hell wants a messiah like that?

It’s crap like this (and the Pope’s obvious inclination toward liberation theology which we all know is Marxism in disguise) that makes me glad I’m not a Catholic. Well, that and the fact that all Papists owe their allegiance to Rome and, therefore, can never truly be patriotic Americans.

You know, I’m glad Francis is Pope. Maybe now, true Christians will see the Catholic Church for the Marxist front group it truly is and go back to ostracizing them the way we did in the good old days. That said, I am very concerned about the way he’s muddying the waters with all this love crap he keeps spouting. To hear him tell it, that’s what Jesus was all about and we know that’s just not true.