Tag Archives: homosexual

No Homosexual Lifestyle???

In August of last year, the darling of the progressive Christian world, John Pavlovitz, wrote a post titled Repeat After Me: “There is No Such Thing as a “Homosexual Lifestyle.”  What?!? No homosexual lifestyle? I find that hard to believe. I mean, if there’s no “homosexual lifestyle”, that means I’ve been an asshole for absolutely no reason whatsoever. That is a turn of events I just cannot accept.

Look, there are numerous places where the Bible plainly states homosexuality is a sin. Here are a few of those places:

  • In Leviticus 18:22, God told Moses that men shouldn’t lie with men as they do with women because that is an abomination. Of course, a few chapters earlier, God also told Moses that the people shouldn’t eat pork and shrimp. But, I love pork and shrimp, so I ignore that part. Thank you, God, for the miracle of proof-texting!
  • In 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Paul said that “homosexuals” won’t “inherit the kingdom of God”. Yes, I know the word “homosexual” doesn’t appear in the Bible until the middle of the 20th century. But, the words that have been rendered as “homosexual” are slang terms and we really don’t know what they mean. But, hey, if we don’t know what Paul meant, what’s wrong with interpreting it in a way that benefits us “normal”, straight folks?
  • In Romans 1:26-28, Paul tells us that men and women gave up natural, God-ordained relations and defiled themselves with icky, same-sex shenanigans and were promptly punished for it. Sure, in the very next chapter, Paul tells us that God condemns the kind of judgement he just threw out, but that doesn’t help my case, so I’m ignoring it.

Seriously, is this man, this “pastor”, trying to tell me that my deeply held religious belief about the homosexuals, based on a Bible verses that have been few proof-texted and cherry-picked within an inch of their life, is wrong? Really?

According to Pavlovitz, “We all have a gender identity and a sexual orientation and these things all fall along a vast and complicated continuum. It is this specific combination of both how we see ourselves and who we are drawn to that form this essential part of who we are.” Oh, come on, “gender identity” and “sexual orientation”? Everyone knows God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. And, Eve was always Eve, not Steve who decided he was Eve. No less an authority than the Southern Baptist Convention backs this up in their resolution “On Transgender Identity”. How could that many Baptists be wrong about something like this?

He also says that the Christians are holding onto “the prejudices and fears our faith inherited 3500 years ago when we didn’t know what we know now” and is “deliberately choosing to not know now; preferring religion to reality”. Well, of course we are. Otherwise we might have to change. And, if there’s one thing we don’t do very well, it’s change.

Look, the bottom line is that accepting homosexuality as innate and not a “lifestyle” is just another step onto the slippery slope that will ultimately lead Christians to live by the teachings of Jesus and start loving our neighbor and turning the other cheek. God only knows where that could lead.

It’s GAYMAGEDDON!!!

Or, The GAYPOCALYPSE.
(Either one, take your choice)

This is we'll all look like if "homosexual activists" get what they want.
Is this what we’ll all look like if “homosexual activists” get what they want?

Sorry to yell at you like that, but I just watched the trailer for Light Wins: How to Overcome the Criminalization of Christianity and, frankly, it scared the shit out of me. Not because I’m afraid “the gays” are going to take over and send all us Christians to the camps, but that someone spent money to make this pile of crap. You see, Light Wins is a new documentary about the threat posed to Christianity by the homosexual agenda’s assault on our freedoms.

It starts with several scare-inducing clips about “homosexual activists”. Then, producer (I think, the trailer is a bit short on details) Janet Porter appears. In what may be the most ham-handed metaphor in the history of film (ease up, movie geeks; this turd is a “film”, if only because there’s other medium in which to place it), Porter, while walking through a dark forest holding a lantern, tells us her project will “shed some light on how we can use the freedoms we have left” to preserve the Christian faith.

Are you wondering what freedoms are being assaulted? So am I. Maybe, it’s the freedom to discriminate. Oh wait, maybe it’s the freedom to fuck over people who are different from you. No, I’ve got it, it’s the freedom to go batshit crazy over imagined attacks on a dominant culture so deeply intrenched in our society that it’s practically unassailable. That’s some scary stuff, isn’t it?

As the trailer carries on, we hear from such notables as Mike Huckabee, aka the Huckster, and David Barton, the foremost revisionist historian of our time. Not only that, Porter’s newsletter announced that the full version of the video will feature Sen. Rand Paul and Reps. Louie Gohmert and Steve King. Wow, talk about a stellar cast! And, by “stellar cast”, I mean “who’s who of right-wing nut jobs”.

Okay, by now you’re probably wondering “Who the hell is Janet Porter and why should I give a flying fuck what she thinks?” While I have no idea how to answer the second part of that question, I can “shed some light” on Ms. Porter (You can’t see it, but I was pretending to hold a lantern when I typed “shed some light”). At one time, she hosted a radio show on VCY America. But, that program was cancelled in 2010 after her comments in favor of dominionism went too far even for that bastion of evangelical craziness purity. Last year, she helped set up ReaganBook (aka “Facebook for Patriots”), which was quickly shut down (like, within a few hours of its debut) after a deluge of sarcastic and pornographic posts. She is also the author of The Criminalization of Christianity: Read This Book Before It Becomes Illegal! (yes, that’s the actual title). Porter currently heads up Faith2Action, the producer of “Light Wins”. While that’s quite a resume, I’m not sure it qualifies her as a thinking human, much less a film maker.

As I said earlier, the basic premise of this Alabama Hot Pocket of a film is that Christianity is under attack by the united forces of gaydom, intent on ramming their “lifestyle” down our throat. According to one of the fear mongers quoted in the video: “If homosexual activists get everything they want, it’ll be nothing less than the criminalization of Christianity.” Which is interesting, since I know a few “homosexual activists” and many of them are Christians. I guess these people are a rainbow fifth column attempting to destroy us from within by asking that we follow Jesus’ commandment to love one another. The bastards!

I don’t think Porter and company understand what an “assault” on “religious freedom” would actually look like. Listen, no one is saying you can’t believe whatever you want to believe about others. What we are saying is you can’t do is use what you believe to discriminate against others. That idea is not out of the liberal playbook or part of the “gay agenda”, it’s straight out of the U. S. Constitution; you know, that document you carry around in your pocket. You might want to get it out and read it again, because it appears you don’t quite understand what it says. And, while you’re at it, read some of that Bible you’re always waving around (especially the red letters), since you seem to be struggling with some of the stuff in there, too. And, do it soon, please. You’re making Jesus and Thomas Jefferson cry.

The Gay Agenda

***Satire Alert***
This post contains material of a satirical nature and should be read accordingly. The thoughts shared below in no way reflect the author’s true feelings and were rendered in this fashion because he is a complete smart-ass who isn’t intelligent enough to make this point in a more appropriate manner. 

Homosexual_Agenda_450_answer_2_xlargeI’ve made no secret of the fact that I like the gays. Hell, some of my best friends are gay. Not only that, I have a gay child and  attend a church that’s open and affirming. I’ve shared meals with gay people, opened my home to gay people, been to the movies with gay people, sat around a campfire swapping stories with gay people((okay, so there wasn’t a fire, but there was a fire pit at the campsite, so it counts)) and done all sorts of other things with gay people. And, frankly, it’s got me worried. I’ve spent so much time around the homosexuals, I’m afraid I might be catching “the gay”. I can hear you now, saying “That’s ridiculous. One doesn’t ‘catch the gay’; one simply is gay.” Oh, really? If you’re so smart, riddle me this: if it’s not contagious, why am doing things that gays do?

This is no joke, people. I am a confirmed straight dude who really, really loves women((I would say I have the notches on my bedpost to prove it, but I’m also an introverted nerd so that’s really not a great argument)) and I find myself doing all sorts of things that gays do. The more I’ve learned about my gay friend’s lives, the more this nagging feeling has grown that I might be going gay. I mean, my gay friends and I both have jobs, kids, households to maintain and lives to live. And, we do it in eerily similar ways.

The idea that I’m turning gay moved from a nagging thought to full-blown fear when I read Kimberly Knight’s post, My Homosexual Agenda For 2015where she details all the ways she intends to make the world a more fabulous place. As I read this list, my only thought was “My god, I want to do these very same things. Does that mean I’m becoming gay?” I’m not sure I’ve had a good night’s sleep since. Of course, some people might blame that on too much time on-line and the sinus infection I’ve been fighting for the last couple of weeks, but who are we kidding?

What if I really am becoming a gay man (not that there’s anything wrong with that)? How will I cope with the fact that I don’t fit the profile? I like to think of myself as a guy’s guy, which means I’m not exactly in touch with my feminine side. And, the thought of riding a float in a gay pride parade in my skivvies fills me with horror (none of us want to see that, believe me).  Plus, I have the fashion sense of a Benedictine monk and I’m a dreadful housekeeper. And, to top it all off, I hate to dance and I don’t care for show tunes or Cher. On the plus side, since I’m kind of big and hairy, the “bear” thing works in my favor and I am somewhat obsessed with sex; although that last point probably isn’t confined to gay men. I’m working myself into a tizzy over this((Well, that doesn’t sound gay at all, does it?)).

Of course, in my more lucid and logical moments, I tell myself to calm down and that I’m not “catching the gay”. In my head, I hear the voice of reason pointing out that maybe my gay friends  and I do a lot of the same things because we’re really not all that different and we’re all just trying get through this life the best way we know how. Is that even possible, I wonder? Could it be that all gay men aren’t promiscuous, bitchy queens and all gay women aren’t flannel-wearing, mullet-coiffed butches who hate men? Is it possible they are wonderful, diverse, multi-faceted children of God like straight people? I guess I never thought about it that way.

Everybody Has an Agenda

agendaThe last sermon I heard (two weeks ago; this past weekend I was freezing my ass off at a soccer game in Fairfax, VA) was based on Luke 20:20-27. That, of course, is the passage where several Sadducees try to trip Jesus up with some bullshit about a woman who married seven different brothers and who she would be married to after the resurrection. I say “bullshit” because the Sadducees didn’t  even believe in the resurrection, much less care what Jesus thought. Despite their attempt to sound like earnest seekers appealing to a wise, they were actually wormy little bastards with an agenda; which was  to trip up what they considered a trouble-making rabble-rouser. While it is easy to come down on these guys as wormy bastards with an agenda, the truth is we all have an agenda of some sort.

The way we’re bombarded with messages about the dangers of the “homosexual agenda”, you might think an agenda is a bad thing. Really, it all depends on how you define it. An agenda can be as benign as a list of things that need to be done or as (possibly) malignant as “a plan or goal that guides someone’s behavior and that is often kept secret“. I have an agenda, myself; it consists of finding a way to get paid for the brain droppings I commit to public display. It’s really kind of shallow, isn’t it? And, it’s intensely personal. That’s the way most agendas are: personal and not the product of a monolithic organization dedicated to some secret plan to corrupt and destroy our society.

As much as our conservative brothers and sisters want to believe it, the “homosexual agenda” doesn’t really exist. At least, not in the way they think (see second definition). If there is a “gay agenda, though, I think Kimberly Knight sets it out best. Lately, she’s been posting her big ol’ lesbian agenda  on her blog and Facebook page. It includes things like “Clean out basement (it looks like an episode of Hoarders down there)”, “Clean the house” and “Snuggle and sleep peacefully while the world collapses from the unbearable weight of my lascivious lifestyle”. I have a few LGBT friends and, while do have an agenda, it’s not secret and it doesn’t affect anyone but themselves and their families. Can everyone say that?

Agendas in and of themselves are not necessarily bad things. Oh sure, they can be; it all depends on why you have one and what you do with it. Take the Sadducee’s, for example. These guys were consumed with weird, esoteric minutiae and, because of that, they couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Like the pharisees’ obsession with the finer points of the law, their fixation on things like the ridiculous question they asked Jesus meant they didn’t have to confront the fact that they weren’t caring for the poor as the Law required. I think, on some level, they were aware of that, which made them all the more hostile to the man who pointed it out.

Like I said earlier, everyone has an agenda. What’s yours?