Tag Archives: temple

Donald Trump is the Messiah???

If you’re thinking “What the fuck?” right about now, I don’t blame you. When I heard that shit, I was stunned myself. But, it’s true; Donald Trump is the messiah…, or, more likely, the harbinger of the messiah, a la John the Baptist. Well, according to end times nut case author and lecturer, Thomas Horn, he is.

Horn bases most of his claims about Trump on the words of some Orthodox Zionist rabbis who have reconstituted the Sanhedrin and are pushing to rebuild the Temple. I’m guessing these rabbis view Horn and compatriots as useful idiots who will help them reach that end. Which probably is okay with Horn and his end times believing pals because they think the rabbis are all dirty Jews who will be cast into the lake of fire when Jesus comes back. It’s what you might call a weird evangelical/Orthodox mutual contempt society.

This insanity is way to convoluted to get into with any depth here. Basically, it sounds a lot like this clip of Cartman explaining the 9/11 attacks from South Park’s “Mystery of the Urinal Deuce” episode:

Like I said, a bit much for a blog post. But, here are a few highlights:

  • The End of Days will come sometime next year. This goes back to Daniel’s “time, times, and a half a time” comment. According to an obscure 17th century interpretation of that passage, the messiah will appear and the end times will begin before September 30, 2017 (the end of the year 5777 in the Jewish calendar). Guess Jesus was just kidding with all that “thief in the night” business. What a joker.
  • Horn even goes so far as to say that, in gematria (Jewish numerology), Trump’s name actually means “messiah”. And, I guess it does, if you go down a rabbit hole that makes Alex Jones’ wildest conspiracy theories seem positively sane. If you’re a glutton for punishment and want to read the actual article, here’s a link.
  • He presents 3 bullet points that he feels point to Donald Trump, not as the messiah himself, but as John the Baptist. But, he does say that there is an ongoing effort to research Trump’s genealogy and show that he is a descendant of David. No joke on this point. I don’t think it needs one.
  • Of course, Horn tells us that this messiah the rabbis are saying is about to appear is a false messiah, the Anti-Christ. And, that he believes that Trump isn’t the Anti-Christ. Why? I’m assuming because he thinks a white, American man can’t be the Anti-Christ.
  • Trump is “God’s messenger”. What the hell kind of message God would send through an asshole like Trump, I don’t know. And, what kind of God would choose a semi-sentient hairball for their messenger doesn’t bear contemplation in my opinion.

All things considered, Horn’s pronouncements are not bad. It’s all bullshit, of course, but still not bad; for entertainment value, that is. Horn has some game in this arena, but even with all his “Trump is the messiah” talk, he’s still no William Tapley, the self-proclaimed Third Eagle of the Apocalypse and Co-prophet of the End Times. But then, who is, beloved? Who…, is.

Having A Beer With Jesus

“Um, I’m Jesus and I don’t get pissed?” In case you didn’t know, Jesus is a bit of a smart-ass.

“Come on, man. I know of at least two places in the Bible where you you did, so don’t give me that”, I responded.

He thought for a moment, “Oh, you’re talking about the fig tree. And, the Temple Tantrum. of course.”

“Temple Tantrum?” I laughed. “Who came up with that?”

“Peter, believe it or not”. Jesus smiled at the memory of his old friend. “You know, for someone with such a thick head, he could be a really funny guy.”

Savoring that bit of irony, I sat there for a minute, waiting for him to go on. Finally, I said “So?”

“So, what?” he answered. “Oh, you want to know why I said I don’t get pissed when, plainly, I have.”

“Yeah, that.”

He got a sheepish smile on his face and said “You know, I’ve never been all that proud of either of those incidents. To be honest, I wish people would quit talking about them. Not exactly my finest hours, you know.” He looked down at the can in his hand. After a minute’s reflection, he continued, “The fig tree thing was really just a tantrum, even though Pete used that label on the temple incident.” He paused again, as if gathering his words, “Look, you’ve got to understand: I was having a really tough week. We had been walking for several days, so I was tired. Plus, we were heading for Jerusalem and I knew what was going to happen when we got there. All that was bad enough, but listening to James and John bicker the whole damn trip was getting to me. Then, I healed that blind dude; nobody realizes how much a thing like that takes out of a guy. When we finally got to Jerusalem, I had to do my kingly entrance and rode into town on that donkey. Let me tell you, that little bastard had an uneven gait that was super uncomfortable.” He sighed. “So the next day, we’re walking along and I saw that fig tree and I started thinking ‘you know, a few figs would really hit the spot right now’. When I walked up and found there wasn’t any fruit, I lost it. If you want to know the truth, I cursed it mostly because I was mad at myself for forgetting it wasn’t fig season.”

“Okay, that explains the fig tree. How about the Temple?” I asked.

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” I shook my head no. “Okay, I’ll let you in on a little secret: I wasn’t really as mad as I made out when I kicked those tables over. I was hoping that I could make my point without all that messy cross business.” He gave a short laugh. “Dad wasn’t letting me off the hook that easy, though.”

“And, you’ve never gotten mad since?”

“Nope”, he answered. “Oh, I’ve been mildly ticked, now and then. But, nothing like you’re talking about.”

I was stunned. “So, how do you do it? How do you stay so cool and collected when assholes pass laws that go directly against everything you ever said? And, they do it in your name? Doesn’t that make you want to get all smitey?”

He laughed, “‘Smitey’, I like that. Look, smiting was never my thing; that’s always been Dad’s department. But, that stuff doesn’t piss me off for two reasons. One, those assholes” you referred to? They’re my brothers and sisters, too. And I love them just like I love you. Plus, if I’m going to go off on them for their mistakes, I’d have to do the same to you. And, I’m pretty sure you don’t want that. Do you?”

“Um, no.” Again, we sat there for a moment. “You said there were two reasons. What’s the second?”

I don’t know how he does it, but when the guy smiles, I get this warm, fuzzy feeling. Like, no matter how bad things are now, eventually, they will get better. He turned that smile on me and said, “There was a guy who fought against some pretty shitty things a while back, named Martin. Know who I’m talking about?” I nodded. Jesus went on, “Well, Marty said once ‘The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice’. Does that make sense?” Again, I nodded. “Well, I’ve been around a long time; you know, like John said ‘In the beginning was the Word’ and all that stuff. So, I can say from experience, Marty was right. Hang in there; this crap won’t last forever.” He finished off his beer in long gulp and said “Feel better?”

“Much” I said.

“Good.” He stood up. “Look, I gotta run. And, remember what Shepard Book used to say: ‘If you can’t do something smart, do something right.” What, didn’t I tell you Jesus loves Firefly?

Um, Really?

confused-faceUnless you live under a rock, you know the Boy Scouts of America recently allowed gay kids to be in their club. Or, as Jesse Berney said in The Guardian, “There have always been gay children in the Boy Scouts. What changed yesterday is that they won’t kick you out if you tell people you’re gay.” Now, I’m not here to talk about the rightness or wrongness of what the Boy Scouts have done (it is right, though), I want to ask a question about something I read in Berney’s article. Erick Erickson of RedState.com tweeted “Yes, Christ is love, but he is also wrath, vengeance, and redemption. The modern emo Christ is a fiction. Christ could throw a punch.” Jesus could throw a punch? Where the hell did that come from?

Erickson’s not the first person I’ve heard say this. Preacher Mark Driscoll (I refuse to call him “Pastor” because what this guy does is anything but pastoral) once said of Jesus, his disciples and other men of the Bible “I’ve gotta think these guys [David, Paul, John the Baptist] were dudes. Heterosexual, win a fight, punch you in the nose dudes”. Now, with David, he may have had a point. Anyone who collects 100 Phillistine foreskins  has more than a nodding acquaintance with violence. And, Peter did cut off that dude’s ear. But, Jesus? Really? I’m no Bible scholar, but I’m pretty sure there’s no mention of the Christ punching someone in the throat (0r anywhere else for that matter).

Is that really the case, though? Let’s take a look at the Bible and see what Jesus had to say about violence. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus told the crowd “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who harass you” and “If people slap you on your right cheek, you must turn the left cheek to them as well”. In the story of his arrest, we hear “When those around him recognized what was about to happen, they said, “Lord, should we fight with our swords?” One of them struck the high priest’s servant, cutting off his right ear. Jesus responded, “Stop! No more of this!” He touched the slave’s ear and healed him”. Doesn’t really sound like a guy who would throw a punch, huh?

The only time in the Gospels that Jesus even came close to actual violence was when he ran the money changers out of the Temple. And, even then, they never say that he actually hit anyone. There are a lot of things the Bible doesn’t mention, but if Jesus popped somebody, you’d think that would make the book.

Look, I know a Jesus that would knock the crap out of anyone that pissed him off is attractive to some people. He would certainly be easier to follow than the peace-loving dude the Bible portrays, if only because there are plenty of people in this world that might benefit from a punch in the throat. But, that’s not the model we were left with. Maybe it’s about time we tried following it.

It’s Past Time Pt III

Almost two weeks ago, in the aftermath of the Aurora shootings, I asked when (and what) were we going to do about the easy  availability of guns to people with mental problems. The Aurora shooter was obviously deranged, yet somehow, he managed to collect a rather extensive arsenal including 6000 rounds of ammo, at least one assault-type rifle, high-capacity magazines and multiple hand guns and full set of body armor. He planned his attack meticulously and because of that, James Holmes managed to kill 12 people,  wound 58 others and somehow come through it all relatively unscathed. The latest person to try this didn’t come out so well. Yesterday, it happened again. Wade Michael Page, 40-something white man, walked into the Sikh Temple of Wisconsin with a pair pistols and began shooting. When the dust settled, 6 Sikhs were dead as was Page. The officer who killed him was shot himself  as he was rendering first aid to one of Page’s victims and is in critical care, along with 4 other wounded Sikhs. There’s much speculation floating around as to his affiliations, his motive, etc. Saying anything other than what I already have would irresponsible, so I’ll refrain.

Except for this: I don’t know if this figured into Page’s thinking, many ignorant people think Sikhs are muslims and therefore a potential terrorist. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sikhism has much more in common with Buddhism than Islam. About the only thing that Sikhs and Muslims have in common is dress, wearing robes instead of western-style clothes. Men don’t shave and they wear colorful turbans. While they don’t practice the same extreme non-violence of Buddhists they do believe that violence is not a good thing. Many Sikh community have reported a rise in harassment and hate in the wake 9-11, based solely on their appearance. Those of you who think everyone wearing a turban and a robe is Muslim terrorist might want to re-think that asinine stand.

After the Aurora shootings, we were told that talking about gun control (curtailing weapons availability to mentally ill people) was wrong, that we were politicizing a tragedy. I asked then and I’ll ask again: when are we going to have a real discussion about this subject? How many more innocent people have to die before the NRA and the Republicans will come to the table,  truly willing to fix this problem? When will the NRA and its various splinter groups stop seeing a boogeyman behind each  bush, just waiting to take their guns away? When both sides of this debate actually debate this issue instead of using for political posturing and a smoke screen to keep us from seeing what they’re really up to; lining their pockets at our expense? And, when is the church going to get involved? And, I’m not talking about prayer vigils, candlelight services and all that stuff. I’m talking about the kind of political action we engaged in during the fight against Amendment One. I’m talking about being on the front lines of this issue, just like we did in during civil rights movement. I’m talking about teaching this:

” “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[i] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

I know a lot people who profess to be Christian, yet would rely on a weapon and not the power of Christ and his promise to care for us. I hate to tell you friends, that’s not even close to being Christ-like.

In the last two weeks, a deranged person has walked into a public space and opened fire, killing a grand total of 19 and wounding 62 and still the right claims this isn’t the time to talk about it. Personally, I think they’re full of shit. It’s way past time that we, the people, stood up and demanded that elected officials got their heads out the  NRA’s trough and did something about this.